


The Cost of Greatness

by BeStillMySlashyHeart, reachedthebitterend



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, brief/emotional infidelity sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2020-08-13 23:49:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20182759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeStillMySlashyHeart/pseuds/BeStillMySlashyHeart, https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: “You broke up with Maria,” Alex said quietly, his surprise evident in his voice.Michael nodded again.“Why?”Michael stared at him before laughing lightly. “Are you serious?”Alex blinked. “I didn’t think you’d-”“What? Leave her?” Michael leaned back in his chair, his fingers tapping on the arm as he looked at Alex. “I meant what I said Alex. Being with Maria was easy and it was good but that’s all. And I just- I’ve had great. I want great. And I know that I’ll never find it anywhere else. With anyone else.” He leaned forward. “I want you, Alex.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The saga is on here! If you've been following along with me or partsofthesamecosmicbeing on tumblr then you have already seen this fic but we decided to go ahead and put it on ao3 as one complete story

“Don’t act like you love me all of a sudden.”

Alex’s blood ran cold as Michael’s words registered. He didn’t know how they’d gotten here. Michael had shown up to talk about something but they’d ended up on the topic of _them. _

_“_Are you fucking stupid?” Alex replied icily. Michael flinched and stared back at him with wide eyes. “I’ve been in love with you since high school. Don’t act like this is news.”

“How the hell would I know, Alex?” Michael’s voice was rising and Alex was thankful he didn’t have any neighbors. “The only time you ever said anything about loving me was when you said you _loved_ me. And then you made it clear that whatever we may have had was in the past. What about that tells me you’ve been in love with me for a decade?”

Alex felt a piece of his heart die but rather than acknowledge it he focused on the sudden rage welling up inside him. “I told you!” He shouted. 

“You said-”

“I’m not good with words, Michael. You know that! I’ve never been able to say what I need to. I’m not like you, okay? I can’t just blurt out shit like we’re cosmic and I never look away. That’s not how I-” He stopped to take a breath. “I hate this town, Michael. I hate being here. The Air Force was never in my plans but getting out of Roswell and never looking back, that was. And yet I have come back time and time again _to see you_! The only other person I had in this town was Maria and I saw her maybe once every other visit home. I came here on every leave, every fucking chance I got, just to see you. This is my final posting, you don’t think I could’ve gotten it anywhere but Kirtland? Kirtland’s a shit base and my record is good enough that I could’ve requested anywhere in the country but I wanted to finish up my service _here_ because of you!”

Michael stared at him, mouth agape.

“Fuck! I told you that!” Alex yelled at him. “I told you I requested this. Why the fuck did you think I would request to be sent here? To where my father is? What _possible _reason could I have?”

“Roswell’s your home,” Michael offered weakly. 

Alex scoffed. “Roswell’s a shithole that is a living reminder of the hell I grew up in. You’re my home.”

The world went silent after that. Neither one of them knowing what to say.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Michael asked quietly.

“Because I don’t know how to. Words have always been more your thing. I couldn’t say it so I was trying to show you.” He rubbed at his eyes and sighed. “Apparently I wasn’t good enough.”

“Alex-”

“But then you never said anything either,” Alex cut him off. “Since I got back, you’ve been a font of pretty words but you’ve never said you love me. For ten years, you never said you wanted me for more than just sex.”

“Of course I wanted you”! Michael yelled as he took a step forward. “Every time you came back I asked you to stay!” 

“It’s easy to ask me to stay when you know I can’t!” Alex shouted back. 

“It’s never been easy, Alex!” Michael shouted, somehow even closer now. “You never ever stayed. Not once. I kept asking hoping that maybe,_ just maybe_ one of those times you might care enough to stick around.”

“I was in the Air Force! Staying meant going AWOL and going to jail!” Alex reminded him. “I didn’t exactly get to make that decision for myself.”

“And if you could? If you could’ve chosen?”

Alex shot him a look. “I kept coming back, didn’t I?”

“Easy to come back when you know you aren’t staying.” 

“You think it’s any easier to leave?” Alex laughed harshly. “You think it was ever _easy_ to leave you? I was in the fucking military to try and keep you alive and I had to keep leaving you and it hurt every time.”

“Oh well as long as you were keeping me alive it was fine to break my heart over and over, I guess?”

“Michael,” Alex sighed, dropping his head.

Michael yelled in frustration and turned away. “Why couldn’t you ever say it?”

Alex closed his eyes. “Why couldn’t you?”

“When was I supposed to say it? When you were walking away from me? You kept leaving, Alex. You were already breaking my heart Alex, I wasn’t going to lay out for you to smash to pieces.”

Alex choked on the lump in his throat.

“It doesn’t matter, anymore.”

Michael turned and stared at him, an indescribable look on his face.

“You’ve moved on,” Alex reminded him. “Whatever we had it just caused pain and it’s good that you’ve found something better.”

“Alex,” Michael’s brow furrowed and he took a step towards Alex, a hand reaching for him, but Alex stepped back. “It’s not-”

“You should go.” Michael let his hand drop slowly. “Give Maria my best.”

Michael’s face shuttered and he turned away.

“I love you, Alex,” he said after a lengthy pause. Alex squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden tears. “I always have. Probably always will.”

“I love you, too,” Alex told him, the words practically forcing themselves out of him. “But that doesn’t change anything. Go home to your fiance.”


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s not better.”

Alex sighed and closed his eyes. He’d been hoping against hope that it wasn’t Michael’s truck he heard rumbling up his drive. It had been almost a month since Michael’s last visit and they hadn’t seen each other. The one time Alex caught sight of Michael in town he’d been staring in the window of a jewelry store with Maria by his side and Alex had turned and fled.

“Alex,” Michael tried when Alex didn’t respond. 

Alex took a deep breath and looked up, a hand over his eyes to block the sun. It felt odd for Michael to be here in the daylight.

“What are you doing here, Guerin?”

“It’s not better,” he said again. 

“What’s not better?” Alex asked, deciding to play along in the hopes that Michael would leave sooner. How the other man didn’t understand how painful this was for Alex, he would never get. He’d given both Michael and Maria a wide berth after they started dating, an even wider one after they got engaged six weeks back. What about that screamed ‘come rehash our old relationship’ to Michael, Alex would never know.

“Maria. Me and Maria.”

_Wait, what? _

_“_What?” Alex asked, incredulous.

Michael shook his head and climbed down the stairs until he was in front of Alex. Alex’s neck thanked him but the rest of him groaned in realization that Michael wasn’t leaving any time soon.

“The last time I was here, you told me that it was good that I’d found something better.” He shook his head. “Maria isn’t better.”

“Guerin-”

“No. Just- just shut up and listen. And fucking _listen_ okay?” Michael waited for Alex to nod before he continued. “I love you. I mean, I am in love with you. It’s- it’s like loving you is a part of me. I can’t not, okay? And it’s great, I don’t regret it but it’s not easy. Nothing about us has ever been easy and I wanted that. I just- I didn’t want the littlest things to be impossible. I wanted to be able to walk down the street holding someone’s hand. I wanted to have a drink at the Pony and not worry about what people might be saying. I wanted to have lunch at the Crashdown. I wanted someone who could surprise me at work with lunch and a quickie. I wanted- I wanted to not be afraid. And I feel like one or both of us was always afraid when we were together. I didn’t want that Alex.”

“I know.” Alex’s voice was quiet. He didn’t know what Michael wanted him to say so he didn’t say anything. He just waited.

“Maria’s easy. I’m not afraid when I’m with her.” Alex looked away. “It’s been over a year and it’s been _good_. I love her.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Alex swallowed and blinked back the tears. He hated that Michael could still do this to him.

“Because it’s not _better_. It’s easier, not better. Nothing could ever be as good as being with you, let alone better.”

“Are you engaged?” Alex asked him and Michael froze, mouth open to say something else. “Are you?”

Michael closed his mouth and nodded slowly. Alex nodded in reply before pushing himself to his feet. “Then stop talking and leave.”

Alex turned to leave, a foot on the top stair when Michael grabbed his wrist and held on loosely. He could break the grip easily but that wasn’t the point. 

“You were right,” Michael told him softly. “You never said the words but you told me you loved me a hundred times. I just wasn’t listening. I’m sorry.”

Alex closed his eyes and wished desperately to be anywhere but here.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stop being afraid,” Alex offered, his voice small. 

“It wasn’t just you. It was me too. I’m not even sure what I was afraid of, but I was scared.” Michael stepped up next to him. Alex could feel the heat of his body along his side but he didn’t look at him. Michael still hadn’t let go of his wrist. “We both could have done better.”

Alex sniffed and nodded. “We should have done better.”

Michael leaned forward slowly until his head thumped gently on the side of Alex’s, his curls brushing over the tip of Alex’s ear. He held back a sob as he tilted his head towards Michael.

“Why are you doing this Michael?” Alex asked wetly. “You moved on, you’re happy. Why won’t you let me be?”

“Because I love you.”

“So let me go. Don’t make me watch you get married to someone else. Don’t tell me you love me and then go home to Maria. Just- just let me go.”

Michael didn’t say anything. Alex could feel his breath warming his shoulder as he tilted his head a bit. A moment later, he felt a warm drop seep through his shirt, quickly followed by another.

“I can’t.” Michael whispered. “I can’t let you go.”

Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, he turned to face Michael, breaking both his grip on Alex’s wrist and his head’s resting place. Alex stared at him for a moment, taking in the wrecked features before him, before making a decision. He’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t do this. That he would be the bigger person, the better person. He’d respect their choices and not go for revenge. But-

Alex carefully, oh so slowly, reached up and carded a hand through Michael’s curls. His fingers twisted in the fine hairs at the base of his neck as his other hand cupped Michael’s jaw.

He waited until he had Michael’s undivided attention and then he leaned forwards and captured his lips. 

Before, Alex wouldn’t have thought it possible to feel misery in a kiss but it was, he did. Even as he suckled Michael’s bottom lip, as Michael’s tongue slipped into his mouth, the tears kept falling and the kiss had a distinctly salty taste to it. Alex drew out the kiss as long as possible, knowing full well it might be their last. 

When eventually the need to breathe grew too strong, he didn’t go far. Rather, he pulled back just far enough to press their foreheads together.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he told Michael. “I love you. I’m in love with you. Always have been, probably always will be,” he echoed Michael’s words from their last conversation. “But I can’t do this.”

“Alex, darlin’-”

“Don’t call me that,” Alex cut him off harshly as his hand twisted in his hair. That word was not meant for moments like this. He pressed a kiss to his cheek to soothe his words. “You made a choice a year and a half ago. If you wanted to make a different choice now, I would respect it. Hell I would lo-” he cut himself off.

Michael nudged his chin slightly to make him lean back far enough to meet his eyes. “What are you saying, Alex?”

“I’m saying,” he took a deep breath, “I don’t want Maria’s fiance, or god forbid her husband, coming around my cabin anymore. I don’t want her fiance in my life. I _can’t_.”

“And what about someone who wasn’t Maria’s fiance?” Michael asked quietly.

“Well that person would be welcome. Always.”

Michael opened his mouth to respond but Alex put a finger to his lips. “Goodbye Michael.”

Before Michael could say another word, Alex turned and disappeared into his house.

He heard the truck leave a few minutes later.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex hung up the phone on autopilot. Dropping it to the table he sank into his chair and stared at it.

It was light out when he got the phone call, he knew that. And it was almost dark by the time that stupid truck could be heard rumbling up the drive. But Alex had no idea how long he sat there for. 

There was a knock on the door. He didn’t answer it. Another knock and again Alex didn’t move.

He waited for the third knock but it didn’t come. Instead the door creaked open and heavy footsteps cross the cabin. Alex looked up in disbelief to see Michael hovering in his doorway, his finger twitching along the brim of his hat.

“Kyle called,’ Alex greeted. “He said you-”

Michael nodded. When Alex didn’t say anything else he reached for a chair, pausing for Alex’s nod before sitting down. He dropped the hat on the table and rubbed at his eyes.

“You broke up with Maria,” Alex said quietly, his surprise evident in his voice.

Michael nodded again.

“_Why?”_

Michael stared at him before laughing lightly. “Are you serious?”

Alex blinked. “I didn’t think you’d-”

“What? Leave her?” Michael leaned back in his chair, his fingers tapping on the arm as he looked at Alex. “I meant what I said Alex. Being with Maria was easy and it was good but that’s all. And I just- I’ve had great. I _want _great. And I know that I’ll never find it anywhere else. With _anyone _else.” He leaned forward. “I want you, Alex.”

Alex closed his eyes. “Jesus Christ Guerin.”

“What?” Michael asked, defensive. “You said-”

“I didn’t think you’d actually do it!” Alex stood up and started to pace. His leg reminded him a second later that he shouldn’t and he ended up pressed into the opposite corner, Michael not moving from his seat. 

“Alex, why didn’t you think I would?”

“Because you chose her!” He yelled. “Last time you had a choice you chose _Maria_. And you’ve just spent a year and a half in a great relationship-”

“It wasn’t great,” Michael cut in. He shut up at Alex’s glare.

“And you fucking _proposed_. I mean, god Guerin you bought a ring and you proposed to her. You wanted to spend your life with her. Why would you throw that away?”

Michael stood up and crossed the room. “I thought we’d already established this? I’m in love with you? Always will be?” His voice was light but Alex heard the tension underneath.

“Love does not equal a relationship,” Alex protested. “It doesn’t matter how much we love each other, we’ve never been able to be in a functional relationship. And maybe there’s a reason for that! Maybe we just aren’t meant for one.”

Michael blinked and shook his head. “I’m confused. You said, if I wasn’t Maria’s fiance, I could come back.”

Alex closed his eyes and let it thump back against the wall. “And now I’m the homewrecker.”

A soft touch at his temple made him open his eyes. Michael was in front of him, close enough that Alex had to wonder how he didn’t hear or feel him approach. The hand on his temple carded through his hair and cupped the back of his head. 

“Do you love me?” Michael asked.

Alex glared. “You know I do. And I’d really prefer it if you stopped asking like you didn’t.”

Michael tilted his head in a slight concession. “Do you believe that I love you?”

Alex felt his face soften. “Yes,” he breathed.

“Do you think you’ll ever love someone as much as you love me?”

Alex swallowed and shook his head. “Not possible.”

Michael smiled, relief and happiness shining brightly, before he sobered. His other hand came up to brush the hair out of Alex’s face. “Do you believe me when I say that I will never love anyone as much as I love you?”

“Yes.” His voice was stronger now. His hands came up to grip Michael’s elbows.

“Then why can’t we try?” Michael asked. 

“You _just_ got out of an engagement.”

“So we take it slow.”

“Michael,” Alex whined softly. 

Michael waited but when Alex didn’t say anything, he slowly pulled away. “I thought- I thought that you-”

Alex watched him curl in on himself, the careful confidence he’d walked in with completely gone.

He didn’t move, he couldn’t move, as Michael scooped up his hat and plopped it on his head. 

“Clearly I was mistaken,” Michael whispered as he turned to leave.

“It won’t be any better,” Alex called before he’d escaped the room. Michael froze and half turned back towards him. “You said you didn’t want to be afraid. That you wanted to hold hands on the street and share a drink at the Pony or lunch at the Crashdown. That’s not- you just left Maria. Very publicly if Kyle is to be believed. We won’t be able to just _be. _Not like you want us to be.”

Michael turned around slowly, his face lit up with cautious hope. Alex sagged against the wall, his breaths coming in shorter as he too felt the hope welling up inside him.

“You said won’t.”

“What?” Alex stared at him, confused.

“You said won’t,” Michael repeated, taking a step back into the kitchen. “Not wouldn’t. Won’t.”

Alex closed his eyes briefly as he made up his mind. “I hate that you put me in this position, you know. Maria hurt me so badly when she started dating you and I swore, I _swore_ dammit, that I would never do that to someone. But-”

“But?” Michael asked, another step closer.

Alex laughed breathlessly. “But I love you and you’re standing in front of me asking me to give us a chance and how the fuck am I supposed to say no to that?”

“You’re not,” Michael teased gently. He took another step. 

Alex thought of all the reasons they couldn’t do this. All of the trauma and pain and random baggage that came with every interaction between them these days. He thought about Maria. And then he thought about how the only time he felt like he didn’t have to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders was when Michael’s arms were around him. He thought about how the only peace he’d ever found was with Michael, how Michael had taught him what love and family felt. He imagined for a second, saying no and sending Michael away. Maybe one day he could find someone he loved and who loved him and a relationship that didn’t come with all of the hangups that theirs did. 

And he thought about how boring and lonely that would be.

He stopped thinking when Michael rested his hands on his hips and all he had to do was lean forward to connect their lips. 

“Just to be clear,” Michael asked when he pulled away a long moment later. “We’re doing this? For real? This isn’t just one last fuck?”

“We’re doing this,” Alex confirmed. “We’re going to go slow and take our time and do it right.” He slid his hand into those gorgeous curls. “Because I don’t ever want just one last fuck. I want everything.”

Michael surged forwards and captured his lips for another kiss. Alex grunted when his head hit the wall behind him but he held fast to Michael when he tried to pull away.

“Everything,” Michael gasped in agreement when they broke apart. “We’ll have everything. I promise.”

Alex smiled, his grin splitting his face wide open. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter by reachedthebitterend (partsofthesamecosmicbeing on tumblr)

“Marry me,” Alex’s voice is like a gunshot in the early morning quiet of his bedroom in the cabin.

Michael jumps at the sound because he hadn’t realized that Alex was awake and blinks at him, not really understanding what he said.

“What?”

Alex’s phone vibrates again on the nightstand, the noise that had woken Michael up, but Alex doesn’t look away as he licks his lips, and inhales deeply.

“Let’s get married,” he says, and Michael freezes looking at him with wide eyes, feeling like his heart wants to burst out of his chest.

For a single second, he thinks, is this how Maria felt when he asked, and it’s the thought that makes him hesitate with the answer on the tip of his tongue.

“What?” He asks again, because Alex was the one who said that they were gonna take things slow and do this right, and sure, having sex wasn’t going slow by any stretch of the imagination, but there was that and then there was _this_.

“You made a choice last night,” Alex says, moving closer, and leaning his head against his arm and looking at Michael in a way that makes Michael want to move closer, so he does, sliding across the sheet and pressing their knees together.

Alex bites his lip, smiling a little, and moves even closer.

“And now I’m making mine,” he continues and Michael tries to concentrate on the conversation they’re having instead of the fact that Alex is naked and Michael is allowed to touch him now.

“What?” Michael says for the third time breathless.

Alex looks away for a second and then looks back at him.

“I’m not good with words, which you already know, but we said everything, and I want it all before the rest of the world tries to tell me I can’t have it.”

Michael licks his lips and exhales slowly. “What happened to going slow?”

“Don’t you think almost twelve years is more than enough time?”

Michael stutters out a laugh, and leans in close, one hand coming up to press against the warm skin of Alex’s neck.

“What about-?”

“Guerin,” Alex cuts him off. “Close your eyes.”

Michael does, and he feels Alex lean in even closer, pressing his forehead to Michael’s and brushing their noses together.

Michael inhales shakily.

“Forget about everything and everyone and just answer. Do you want to marry me?”

“Yes,” Michael says immediately.

“Then let’s go get married,” he whispers.

And really, there’s only one thing that Michael can say to that.

*

Alex hasn’t stopped smiling since they left the courthouse, he also hasn’t stopped touching Michael since they got into the truck, making it kind of difficult to concentrate on driving.

Michael also can’t seem to stop the smile that keeps wanting to tug the corners of his mouth or the way his eyes drop from looking at the road to the delicate silver ring wrapped around his left ring finger or the fact that he also can’t stop touching Alex, his right hand on Alex’s thigh.

It takes much longer to get back to the cabin than it did when they drove to the courthouse, but Michael doesn’t mind.

He stops the truck, and follows the insistent tugging of Alex’s fingers in his hair, and sinks into the kiss, wrapping his arm around Alex to tug him in closer.

Michael feels the cool metal of the ring wrapped around Alex’s ring finger pressing along his jaw, and he turns his face blindly, and presses a kiss to it, eyes heavy lidded as he looks at Alex, who just watches him from too close and inhales sharply when Michael opens his mouth and licks.

“We should take this back inside,” Alex says sounding out of it.

Michael nods his head, but just pulls Alex in a little bit closer, pressing another kiss to his hand before he kisses him again.

Alex surges against him, dragging his hands into Michael’s hair, and wrapping the strands in his fingers and holding tight as he keeps Michael as close as possible and devours his mouth.

Michael doesn’t know how long Alex kisses him for, it could be just seconds or _hours_, but by the time he lets Michael go, Michael can’t even remember exactly what it was that he was supposed to be doing.

“Take me inside,” Alex whispers into the small, humid space between their mouths.

Michael nods his head eagerly, and presses a quick kiss to Alex’s mouth before he’s detangling himself from him and practically falling out of the truck, by the time he regains his balance, Alex is already halfway to the steps leading to the balcony.

Michael catches him right before he reaches the first step and presses him up against the side beam, catching the bright smile that Alex turns to him with his, before he slides his mouth down the length of Alex’s neck.

“Come on,” Alex says tugging against Michael’s clothes. “There’s a nice, big bed in my bedroom where we can continue this.”

“Hmm,” Michael hums against his throat. “I think that we should start here and work our way through the entire cabin.”

Alex laughs. “How about we start in the living room and try not to get arrested for public indecency?”

Michael drags his mouth back to Alex’s and kisses him quick, pulling back to look at him.

Alex’s smile is soft and happy and his eyes are shining bright with joy and there is a flush on his cheeks, and he looks like all the things that Michael has ever wanted wrapped up in one distractingly attractive package.

“Come on,” Alex repeats and pushes lightly against Michael’s shoulders.

Michael steps back and Alex moves, bouncing up the steps and making his way to the door.

Michael stops him right before he can open it, and then just sweeps him up into his arms, struggling a little, but managing to get his arms securely around Alex’s back and beneath his knees and pull him against his chest.

Alex yelps and wraps his arms around Michael’s shoulders, giving him an incredulous look.

“What are you doing?” he asks sounding amused and exasperated. “Put me down.”

“No,” Michael says, squeezing him closer to his chest. “I’m just fulfilling my duties, darlin.’”

“Duties?” Alex asks skeptically as Michael narrows his eyes and opens the door with a thought.

“Yes,” Michael says as he crosses the threshold with Alex in his arms, smiling at him when Alex raises an eyebrow. “Carrying my husband over the threshold is the first rule to a happy marriage.”

Alex smiles bright biting down on his lip-

Then the sound of glass bursting to pieces as it falls on the floor pops the bubble of happiness surrounding them.

Alex tenses in his hold, and goes even more tense when he sees who exactly is inside of his home.

Michael’s heart starts pounding in his chest as he sees Kyle standing on the other side of the room, his arms which had been crossed, falling as though they forgot what they were doing, his mouth open in shock. Michael really doesn’t want to look around to see who else is inside.

“Put me down,” Alex says, his voice barely a whisper, but sounding so loud in the deadly quiet that had fallen in the room when the glass had shattered.

Michael does what he’s told, automatically.

“What are you guys doing in here?” Alex asks, and his voice is barely contained rage, and something like guilt, which tells Michael that the person he hoped wasn’t there, definitely is.

He remembers how heavy his heart had been the first time that Alex had seen him and Maria together. He wonders if it’s going to feel the same way once he looks at her with the knowledge that he made a choice and it wasn’t her.

“Husband?” Maria asks, voice shaking, and Michael’s gaze snaps to her.

Her hands are shaking and she’s looking down at the coffee table and the pieces of broken glass are scattered across the floor in front of her.

He distantly notes that Liz is sitting on the arm of the chair Maria is sitting in, and that by the disapproving vibes he can practically feel trying to drown him, Isobel and Max are also there.

Michael can feel the guilt heavy in his gut, and he can’t look away from where Liz has an arm wrapped around Maria’s trembling shoulders, and he doesn’t know what to say to make any of this better. He doesn’t think there is _anything _that he could say to make this better.

He feels Alex’s hand, fingers cool, wrap around his, the cold metal of his ring pressing against Michael’s fingers, and the guilt lessens a little, because he knew at the end of this, even if everyone else hated him, he still had Alex, and that was the only thing that mattered.

He winds their fingers together and holds on tight as he looks away from Maria and across the faces of their friends and family.

Liz looks shocked, her gaze caught by their hands, blinking dumbly as though she has no idea what’s happening.

Max looks disapproving and disappointed. Isobel also looks disapproving, but there’s also something that looks a whole lot like relief shining in her eyes.

“I know that I have an open door policy,” Alex says, fingers tightening around Michael’s. “But that only applies when I’m home.”

“How long has this been going on?” Maria asks looking up, but she doesn’t look at Michael, she turns her gaze to Alex, eyes red rimmed and wet with tears staining her cheeks, her mouth pulled down into an unhappy line as she stares at him. “Were you with him the _entire _time that we were together?”

“No,” Alex says sounding pissed off. He moves and Michael wraps his other hand around his elbow to keep him trapped against his side. “I’m no one’s second choice.”

Maria closes her eyes at that and inhales deeply, seeming to collect herself.

“You didn’t even wait for the tire tracks the truck left as he sped away from the Wild Pony to clear before you married him,” Isobel says sounding impressed. “That takes balls, Manes.”

“Isobel,” Max snaps like an angry dad. Alex presses closer to him, and Michael swallows hard but still can’t find the words to say.

“You actually got married?” Liz asks eyes darting from Alex to Michael and then back to their hands and all over again.

“Yes,” Michael says and all eyes dart to him. “We did.”

“I thought it was cold feet,” Maria says looking at him for the first time since he walked into the room.

It hurts, he’s not going to lie. But, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did when Alex looked at him like that, with betrayal shining in his eyes.

“I thought that you were running scared because you were feeling insecure, because you’re not used to being with someone who doesn’t want you to go.”

Alex makes a disbelieving sound at the back of his throat, but doesn’t say anything.

“But you were running back to him,” she finishes and the anger is suddenly the only emotion that Michael can see in her face. “What was I? A consolation prize while you waited for him to be ready to be with you?”

Michael is shaking his head immediately, opening his mouth, but Alex’s angry voice cuts him off.

“I was ready to be with him twelve years ago and five years ago and a year and a half ago. It was _never _about whether or not I wanted to be with him.”

“How could _you _do this to me?” Maria asks him, her voice trembling with barely contained anger, looking at Alex like she doesn’t even know him.

“I don’t know if you blocked it out of your memory because ignorance is bliss after all,” Alex says in a low voice that’s more pained than angry. “But I’m in love with him. I’ve always been in love with him and you _knew _that, but decided that it didn’t matter because you deserved to do something selfish and only think about yourself and your feelings for once.”

“How was I supposed to know that it wasn’t just a high school fling? You never told me anything!”

“You never asked!” Alex yells and takes a step forward and this time Michael doesn’t stop him. “Because you didn’t want to know the truth! Because all you cared about was how you were feeling! And if you had asked me it would’ve made you feel guilty that you were sleeping with the man that I’ve been in love with for ten years.”

Maria shakes her head in disbelief. “You can’t keep using that as an excuse. Sure, you love him, but you pushed him away. You kept walking away. And now, _now _is when you decide to do this?”

“I didn’t _do _anything,” Alex says. “_He _made a choice, and what was it that you told me the one time I tried to talk to you about it? Oh, that’s right, it was his choice to make. I guess it’s much easier to respect his choices when you’re not the one getting your heart broken.”

Maria’s mouth snaps shut and she looks away from Alex.

“Are you just not going to say anything?” Max asks, and Michael looks at him, and he looks like he wants an explanation, but Michael doesn’t owe anyone an explanation. Not really, and least of all to Max.

“What do you want me to say?”

“That you’re sorry?” Liz suggests and Michael’s eyes dart to her. “That you weren’t thinking? That this,” and she waves her hand to encompass Alex and Michael. “Was a lapse in judgement? Because you just broke off an engagement, only to get married to someone else, and that doesn’t look right.”

Michael licks his lips and looks at Liz, raising an eyebrow. “Do you think I care how this looks? Or what people will think? Because I don’t. I love him. I’ve been in love with him for over ten years, and even when it hurt, it never went away. And even when I tried not to, it was always there simmering in the back of my mind.”

“Did you even love me at all?” Maria asks as she stands up looking at him with eyes that are brimming with fresh tears.

“Yes,” Michael says holding her gaze. “But, it wasn’t enough.”

Maria makes a low mournful sound in the back of her throat, and then she’s gone, running around them and out of the cabin before anyone else can say anything.

Liz crosses the space between them, and slaps Michael hard across the face, raising her hand to probably do it again, only for Alex to stop her.

“Don’t,” he says voice terrifyingly blank, as Michael looks at Liz with wide eyes, feeling the hot sting of her palm on his cheek.

“You deserve each other,” she tells Alex tearing her hand out of his hold and running after Maria.

Max follows after her, shaking his head in disappointment, followed by Kyle who doesn’t even look at Alex when he speaks.

“You know, when I called you to let you know about what happened, it was so you could knock some sense into him, not for you to do _this_.”

Alex tenses at his side, but doesn’t say anything as Kyle leaves.

Isobel follows behind everyone a little more slowly, and looks at Alex. “Dinner. My place. Next weekend.”

And then turns her gaze on to Michael. “You handled this badly and it’s going to suck for a while, but I’m glad you’re happy.”

She pats his cheek right where Liz slapped him. “You feel lighter in my head than you have in over a year, which is really the only thing that I care about. Everyone else will eventually realize that you just can’t get in the way of destiny.”

She walks by them then and closes the door behind herself.

It’s not until he hears the car engines turn over and then leave that Alex exhales roughly and starts to shake, almost sinking to the floor if it wasn’t for Michael.

Michael leads him over to the couch, and he collapses down on it and buries his face in his hands.

Michael kneels in front of him and his hands hover around his shoulders before he drops them back down to his lap.

“That sucked,” Alex says, voice muffled by his hands.

Michael swallows hard and tries to blink away the way his eyes start filling with tears.

“Do you regret it?” he asks in a low voice.

Alex’s head snaps up and he looks at Michael while he shakes his head. “No,” he says and reaches for Michael, cupping his jaw and pulling him in close. “No,” he repeats stronger. “Never could regret you.”

Michael feels the relief sweep through him and leave him boneless.

“Good,” he breathes. “Because I can’t find it in myself to regret anything, when I get to keep you.”

Alex bites down on his lip, before he tilts his head, giving Michael a look from beneath heavy lids. “You’re mine, Guerin. You always have been. It’s about time you got with the program.”

Michael just laughs, feeling the bright bubble of happiness and love push away every other feeling, until all he feels is warmth and Alex’s hands, cool against either side of his face.

“It took me a while,” Michael admits. “But I’m never letting you walk away again.”

“That’s good,” Alex responds. “But you won’t ever have to worry about that. I’m never walking away from you. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”

Michael smiles and closes his eyes feeling blissfully happy, “I think I can live with that.”


	5. Chapter 5

“I used to think you were unknowable, totally unpredictable.”

Alex tensed as Kyle’s voice echoed in the bunker. He turned in his chair slowly to find Kyle standing on the landing on the other side of the room, a bag clutched in his hand and an inscrutable look on his face.

“Okay?” Alex asked when he didn’t continue.

Kyle huffed and made his way down the stairs. “I was going out to the cabin when I thought maybe I should check here first. E voila. Here you are. Working instead of enjoying your honeymoon.”

Alex turned back around. “I may have found another facility. If I’m right then there are people there who need help and I don’t want to leave them there any longer than I have to.” He ignored the honeymoon comment.

The chair next to him squeaked as Kyle pulled it out. A loud thump echoed as he dropped the bag on the table and Alex side eyed him.

“Can I help you with something?”

“That was a real dick move, Alex,” Kyle told him quietly. “I mean-” he stopped and shook his head.

Alex swallowed and clenched his jaw. “I made a decision for me, not for any one else. I know I could have handled it better, done things differently, but I didn’t want to.”

Kyle huffed a laugh and put his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned forwards. “Everyone’s pissed. At both of you.”

“Good for them.”

“Alex,” Kyle admonished. “You really hurt her.”

Alex stilled, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. “I know. I wish I hadn’t because I know how it feels but I guess I was taking a page out of her book. I just wanted to be selfish for once and damn the consequences. Just once in my fucking life I wanted to take something _for me.”_

There was a rustling as Kyle pulled a bottle of whiskey out of his bag. He waved it in the air until Alex turned to look at him. “Look, I already told you I think you pulled a dick move and you really hurt a friend of mine. But you’re my friend too and I’m not so pissed that I’m going to forget that.”

Alex nodded at him in thanks, unable to get the words out. 

Kyle nodded back. “So…drink?” 

“I’m not much of a whiskey drinker,” Alex admitted apologetically.

Kyle pursed his lips and nodded before rummaging through his bag again. This time he pulled out a bottle of champagne.

Alex raised an eyebrow in question.

“You just got married, right? That’s worth a toast.” He smiled at Alex until Alex smiled back. “Just need a couple of glasses.”

Alex rolled his eyes but got up to get something to drink out of. The bunker was well stocked but almost all of his liquids were prepackaged and so there weren’t a whole lot of glasses available. Eventually, he scrounged up an old package of styrofoam cups and tore the plastic open.

“Not the fanciest things in the world,” he commented idly as he rejoined Kyle.

Kyle laughed but didn’t say anything as he poured them each a glass. Alex held his up for a toast but Kyle kept his close to his chest.

“Kyle…”

“Are you happy?” Kyle asked. “I mean, is this something you really want right now? I know you love him, but marriage? Two days ago he was engaged to someone else and you two hadn’t spoken in a year and a half.” Kyle’s brow was furrowed in worry.

Alex put his cup back down and rubbed at his eye. “It’s not that simple.”

“It’s not simple if you’re happy to be married? That should be the simplest thing about this.”

Alex huffed, a smile playing at his lips. “Yes, I’m happy.” He held up his left hand and stared at the ring. “It’s fucking amazing how happy just seeing this makes me. Seeing it and knowing that Michael’s got the other one.” He twirled his cup. “Last time we talked about Michael I told you I hadn’t spoken to him since the day after Max died, after he and Maria started their relationship or whatever.”

“Yeah…” Kyle agreed. “You avoided both of them like the plague.”

Alex nodded. “I did. But Michael wasn’t so good at avoiding me. Not really. He- we-” He shook his head. “You know how there are some nights when you can’t sleep and you just have the urge to do something really stupid because there’s a time of night that doesn’t feel real? Like it’s four am and there are no consequences?”

Kyle leaned back in his chair, an exasperated look on his face but he waved Alex on.

“There were a lot of four am phone calls,’ Alex admitted. “More than a few four am visits too.”

“Jesus Alex,” Kyle let out softly. “So when Maria accused Michael of being with you the whole time…”

“No,” Alex denied. “Nothing ever happened. Sometimes we didn’t even talk. We just- sat there. It’s absurd how much a silent phone call can soothe your soul when it’s hurting.”

“Alex,” Kyle whispered. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Alex scoffed. “About what? How much it hurt for my best friend to date the love of my life? How much it broke me?” He shook his head and stared into his cup as he swirled the champagne. “Who would I tell? No one cared.”

“I cared.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, his tone taking on a biting edge. “You cared enough to tell me that I was better off without him and that I needed to move on. Which I appreciated, I did. But there’s no moving on. I could try with someone else, maybe even be happy with him, but no one would ever compare to Michael. No one _could_ ever compare. Sometimes I wish that wasn’t true but I spent ten years trying to move on and find someone else and nothing and no one ever even came close. Then I ended up back here and I was finally, _finally_ ready to stop running. I was ready to try. And then he kissed Maria.”

He put his cup down and reached for the whiskey, quickly opening the bottle and taking a swig. “I’ve been shot, I’ve been blown up, I’ve lost a fucking limb, Kyle, but nothing has ever hurt me as bad as hearing them tell me they were dating. And part of that was Michael but honestly, I’d pushed him away enough times that I understood him wanting to try and move on. But Maria? She was my best friend, she was the only person I ever told about what Michael meant to me, long before she knew it was Michael. But then she knew. She knew and she _swore_ to me that there was nothing between them. That there would never _be_ anything between them. So her telling me she was dating him and that she really needed me to be supportive and to respect their decision? That was what killed me.” He took another deep swig until Kyle pulled the bottle from his lips.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle told him. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask enough question or pay enough attention to realize how bad you were hurting. And I’m sorry that you had to go through that.” He pushed Alex’s cup towards him. “But I didn’t come here to make you cry, I came to celebrate.” He lifted his own cup with a smile. Alex stared at him for a beat before shaking his head and lifting his own cup, tapping them together lightly.

“To you and Michael!” Kyle announced. “May you have a long and happy marriage.”

Alex let out a light laugh. “To me and Michael!” He echoed before they both took sips. 

Kyle shifted in his seat. “Now, tell me all about you and Michael. Who proposed? How did it go? What exactly possessed you two to get married immediately? Like was there a discussion? Or were you two crazy just like fuck it it’s been long enough let’s go?”

Alex laughed and shook his head. Part of him was still reeling from spilling his guts about Maria a moment ago and the sudden tonal shift was giving him whiplash. But a larger part of him was just happy not to have lost his friend and to be able to talk about his relationship, his _marriage_, with someone who wouldn’t hate him for it.

“First of all,” he started off as he got comfortable in his chair. “I need you to tell me what the fuck happened yesterday? Why did you, why did _all of you_ break into my house?!”

Kyle looked a bit sheepish as he ducked his head. “We couldn’t find Guerin. He just tore out of the Pony and disappeared. He even left his phone behind and well, people were getting worried.” Alex could imagine. He knew the six of them had become a very tight knit group over the last eighteen months, a group he was not a part of by choice, and Michael’s seemingly irrational behavior and sudden departure would be cause for concern. “I stopped by to ask if you’d seen him and when you didn’t answer the door I used my key to get in. Your car was in the driveway and I was worried something might be wrong. And then, well, I saw his hat on the table so I called Liz and told her so that she could stop worrying and the next thing I know they’re all showing up at your front door. It was impossible to get them to leave but I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. I certainly wasn’t expecting him to carry you across the threshold announcing that your his husband.” His voice was teasing by the end but Alex knew he felt bad for his part in how it went down.

“Your turn,” Kyle added.

Alex groaned but quickly launched into his tale.

—

Alex cursed as he pulled up next to the cabin and Maria stood up from her perch on the steps. He glanced around for Michael’s car since the man had said he would meet Alex here an hour ago but the only other vehicle in sight was Maria’s.

“Why?” Maria asked as he got out of the car. 

“Maria,” he sighed. “What are you doing here?”

“I want some fucking answers!” She yelled at him, tears welling up in her eyes.

Alex fiddled with his keys as a movement in the window caught his eye. He glanced over to see Michael’s worried face peeking out of the window next to the door, his hair dripping wet from what Alex presumed was a recent shower. Alex saw him reach for the door and shook his head as subtly as he could. He didn’t need or want Michael to save him from this conversation.

“About what?” He asked Maria.

“Why couldn’t you let me be? Why couldn’t let us be happy?” She asked.

“I didn’t do anything, Maria,” Alex told her. “Since the very beginning I went out of my way to give you both space, to not be a part of your relationship.”

“Do you honestly expect me to believe that after almost two years of no contact he leaves me and marries you within 24 hours?” Maria scoffed. “Bullshit.”

Alex tamped down on his anger. She had a right to be hurt, he told himself. “I said I gave you both space and that I wasn’t a part of your relationship. I never said we haven’t had contact.”

“So you’ve been with him? This whole time?”

“Jes-” Alex cut himself off. “No. We’ve talked on the phone a few times, that’s all. mostly about my work. Sometimes about other things, yes, but nothing like what you’re imagining.”

“And how do you know what I’m imagining?”

“You’ve made it pretty clear what you think happened.” Alex kept his voice firm.

Maria wiped at the tears on her cheek. “Fine, so I’m wrong. Why don’t you tell me what happened then?”

“We talked. I told him I couldn’t take it anymore, that having to be here and bear witness to your relationship was killing me and that I needed him to leave me completely alone from now on. That was a couple of weeks ago. And then the night before last he showed up at my door and said he’d made his choice. So I made mine.”

Maria laughed harshly. “Just like that? After a decade of pushing him away, he just chooses you?”

“Yeah,” Alex told her softly. “Just like that.”

“Fuck you.” Her voice was biting. “We were happy.”

“I know. I never asked him for anything, Maria. All I did was tell him that your fiance had no part in my life and I didn’t want to see him. I was trying to let him go.”

“It’s been almost two years, Alex! Why didn’t you let him go then?”

Alex scoffed. “I couldn’t move on when I had ten years to do it. Did you really think another one or two would do the trick? He’s it for me, Maria. He has been since we were 17. He’s my family. He’s my home.”

Maria looked away.

“You should go, Maria. Whatever answers you’re hoping to hear, you won’t find them.” Alex gave her a wide berth and climbed the stairs slowly. 

“Do you know how much I hate you right now?” Maria asked him lowly.

Alex sighed. “Probably half as much as I hated you when you told me you were dating him.”

Maria whirled on him. “I asked for your support! I didn’t want to lose you Alex.”

Alex laughed, his voice a cold, harsh thing. “Right yeah, you asked me to support you as you fucked me over harder than anyone else ever had. You knew what he meant to me, Maria. I know you said you couldn’t control your feelings for him and that it was cruel of me to ask you to but you could’ve controlled your actions. What you did about your feelings, that was on you.”

“Like this is on you.”

“Yes, but the difference here is I’m not screwing over my best friend for a convenient fuck.”

Maria shook her head, her mouth opening and closing but nothing coming out.

“Go home, Maria,” he told her gently. “Call Liz. Drink a lot of alcohol and cry it out while she rubs your back or whatever. You still have your friends.”

“Is that a threat?” She asked, bewildered.

He shook his head. “No, it’s a reminder. He and I are in the wrong here and everybody hates us. Everyone is on your side, Maria. When it was you and him fucking me over?” He laughed and shook his head. “Well then I had everyone telling me to get over it and be happy for you two. I lost the love of my life, my best friend, and every single person that I thought gave a shit about me in this town, all in one fell swoop. And then you all had the audacity to be angry with me for not getting over myself in a timely manner.”

“Go home, Maria. And don’t come back. There’s nothing for you here.” He turned and went into the house without waiting for her to reply. 

Alex closed the door behind him and pressed his back against it, his eyes closing as he listened carefully to Maria’s movement. There was a long pause and then the crunch of gravel followed by the car door opening and closing. Another long pause before the engine turned over before he heard the blessed sounds of her driving away.

He sagged in relief before opening his eyes. Michael stood in front of him, a pained expression on his face.

“Alex, I am so so-”

Alex shook his head and cut him off. “No. No more talking. I have had enough painful conversations today and I do not need one with you too.”

Michael looked like he wanted to continue anyway but he nodded. “What do you need?”

“I just need you.’

Michael nodded and pulled Alex into his arms, Alex’s face tucking into his neck as he sank into Michael’s embrace. “I can do that.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter by reachedthebitterend (partsofthesamecosmicbeing on tumblr)

“I am sorry, you know,” Michael says, and sees how Alex freezes in the process of washing out his coffee mug.**  
**

He finishes it, and then turns to Michael. He’s all dressed up in his uniform, ready to go to the base and do whatever it is that he does when he has to go in. 

He looks at Michael thoughtfully for a second before asking. “What are you sorry for?”

“For not realizing how alone you were this whole time,” Michael says, and sees how the words affect Alex immediately, and how he covers it up fast.

He starts to shake his head, “Guerin, I-”

“Wait,” Michael says. “Don’t hide it from me. You don’t ever have to hide anything from me anymore. Especially about what you’re feeling. That’s how we get misunderstandings like me thinking that you don’t love me.”

Alex exhales roughly giving Michael a look like he can’t believe that that’s the example Michael is using and then just shakes his head.

“Okay, yes, there were moments when I was lonely, moments when I wished that I could call up Liz or even Maria to come keep me company, but it passed, and Kyle made sure that I wasn’t alone too much, and I kept myself busy, and I even had you at times.”

“That’s not what I meant-” Michael starts trying to explain himself, but Alex shakes his head again.

“You don’t need to apologize to me or explain anything. I knew why you did what you did, Guerin. I’m not oblivious to the fact that I hurt you, over and over again. And after what happened with Max, and with your mother, I just-” he stops speaking looking to the side and shaking his head again before he licks his lips and looks back at Michael.

“I understood where you were coming from, and maybe, I could’ve pretended that it wasn’t killing me everyday, but the person that you chose to play house with wasn’t just some random stranger, it was Maria, and the fact that everyone kept telling me to get over it, and kept letting me know how happy and perfect you were together, and that I needed to move on.”

He sighs, and smiles a little when Michael steps closer and catches his hands.

“No one understood, and they all thought they had the full story, so they didn’t know that it was an impossible task that they were asking me to do. There is no getting over you, Guerin. And it’s not like I haven’t tried. Nothing ever seemed to compare, so I knew it was pointless.”

Michael looks at Alex, and still feels like he needs to apologize for something, but instead he leans forward and kisses him lightly.

Alex is smiling when Michael pulls back, and he reaches for Michael, tugging his hands out of Michael’s grasp and sliding them into his hair.

He tugs Michael in for a longer, deeper kiss, and Michael has to stop himself from moving forward and pressing Alex back against the counter.

“Don’t worry,” Alex whispers as their lips part. “I’m definitely not holding a grudge against you, and you don’t need to apologize about this. You didn’t force everyone to act the way that they did. That’s on them.”

Michael exhales and just looks into Alex’s eyes making sure that he’s telling the truth.

“Besides,” Alex continues hands sliding out of his hair as he steps back and gives him a sad smile. “I’m not the one you owe an explanation to.”

* * *

“We’re closed,” Maria’s voice is as sharp as a whip and with twice as much bite, and Michael already knows it’s going to get worse once she realizes exactly who is at the door. 

But he has to do this.

“I know,” he says, and Maria tenses up immediately, and her gaze tracks him down in the mirror and she narrows her eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home with your husband?” she asks spitting the word out like a curse.

Michael inhales deeply and takes his hat off his head. “Can we talk?”

Maria scoffs. “There’s nothing to talk about. Not anymore.”

“I owe you an explanation,” Michael says still hovering right in front of the door.

“You owe me much more than that,” she snaps and finally turns around. 

She looks at him, and Michael notes how her eyes are puffy and bloodshot and she looks like she hasn’t slept in the last couple of days, and it makes him feel guilt deep in the pit of his stomach. 

“I want the truth, Guerin,” she says spitting out his name with as much vitriol as she did the word husband. “And not just what you think that I want to hear.”

Michael swallows hard and nods his head. “Okay,” he inhales deeply and licks his lips. “The truth is that I love him.”

Maria closes her eyes tight and looks away from him before she moves to duck behind the bar.

Michael moves towards the bar as she grabs a bottle and opens it up and takes a swig directly from it.

She sets the bottle down and gives him a look like she’s daring him to sit down, so Michael just grips his hat tighter in his hands and waits.

“You told me that it was long over, that there was nothing between you but a long history of him walking away, and now, you’re standing there telling me that you love him, like it makes any sense-”

“I was convinced that he didn’t love me anymore,” Michael blurts out cutting her off. 

Maria gives him an incredulous look, opening her mouth to speak. He raises a hand in the air. 

“Just, listen for a second. You wanted the truth. And the truth is that Alex was shouting and I wasn’t listening because I’d gotten so used to being left behind, that I didn’t realize what it meant when he kept coming back. And since confessions are always Alex’s prelude to leaving, I had already resigned myself to the fact that he was going to walk away again. So I walked first, and you were-”

“Do not,” she says voice cold as ice. “Use the word convenient.”

Michael blows out a breath, “I wouldn’t say you were convenient given how much us being together hurt someone we both care about.”

She scoffs, rolling her eyes.

Michael licks his lips and steps forward. “You may hate him right now, but you do care about him.”

Maria looks away from him shaking her head before she sighs and looks back. “So what, this is payback? Because us being together hurt him, you have to even out the scales?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Michael says stepping forward and stopping when Maria steps back even though she’s standing behind the bar. “This isn’t about hurting you,” he says raising his left hand in the air and waving it around. “It had nothing to do with you at all. Just like me choosing to be with you wasn’t about hurting Alex, or even about him at all. It was about me, and after everything that had happened, I needed something normal and easy, and things with you were exactly what I needed.”

“So what changed?” she asks, crossing her arms. “Because you needed me, and I know we were happy, and I know that you loved me, so what happened?”

“He didn’t walk away,” Michael says swallowing hard. “He stayed in one spot where I could go look and find him. He answered every time I called him, no matter how late. He let me into his home when he knew I needed a safe place to fall apart and put me back together without expectations. He gave me the space that I needed and when I needed him he gave me that too. And it’s not that I didn’t trust you, but some things are just hard for me to talk about.”

“But you could talk to Alex?” she questions, brow furrowing.

Michael shakes his head. 

“I didn’t have to, because he already knew. Since the moment I met him, he’s been involved in some way with every defining moment of my life. For better or for worse,” he finishes with a wry tone.

Maria gives him a long unreadable look before she reaches for the bottle of tequila and takes another long swig. She sets the bottle down and then takes a deep breath. 

“He says that nothing happened, but I need to know, did you cheat on me, Guerin?”

“He kissed me,” Michael admits looking away. “And it felt like goodbye, for real, and I couldn’t-I _can’t _live without him.”

“When?” she asks, and then scoffs shaking her head. “I don’t even have to ask. It was the Tuesday before last, wasn’t it?”

Michael just looks away again, not able to answer, and she takes another drink from the bottle of tequila.

“You haven’t kissed me since you kissed him, did you notice that?”

Michael shakes his head, as he looks back at her.

She shakes her head at him, looking up to the ceiling as though to steel herself.

“You know, I could probably find it within myself to understand all of this, but why did you propose to me, if you’ve been in love with him the whole time?”

“I felt like it was time,” Michael says looking around the room. “I told you, I’d never been in a relationship before you, and I talked to Isobel and she suggested that maybe it was time to move things forward. We were already sort of living together. It seemed like the next logical step.”

Maria scoffs. “You propose to someone because you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them, not because it’s a logical step.”

“When I asked you to marry me, I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with you,” Michael says.

Maria gives him a look. “Because you thought you couldn’t have Alex.”

Michael looks away at that, swallowing hard.

He hears Maria dragging the bottle of tequila back off the bar and closes his eyes, inhaling deeply.

“I know it’s not worth much now, or probably ever, but I am sorry that I hurt you.”

“Do you even hear yourself when you’re speaking?” she asks rhetorically. “This whole thing had no other outcome, from the beginning you knew you were going to choose him. It was all a matter of time, all a matter of you realizing that he’s been in love with you the whole time. I guess, I should be happy that at least it happened before we actually got married.”

Michael swallows hard and steps forward. “Maria, I-”

“No,” she says shaking her head. “It’s my turn to speak. Choosing to do this with you cost me the one person that I could always count on to be there for me, and I thought that it was worth it because you loved me and we made each other happy. When my mom took a turn for the worst, do you know who I wanted to call? Alex, but I couldn’t talk to him, because he didn’t even want to see me. And for a while I thought he was just being childish and spiteful, how was he going to let a teenage crush get in the way of our friendship? But I was so blinded by my feelings for you that I failed to realize that he would’ve never acted like that unless it was more serious than I thought. I should’ve broken the promise I made myself and used whatever this ability I have is to learn the truth, because all of this could’ve been avoided if you had just told me that you were in love with him too.“

Michael opens his mouth to speak, but she shakes her head, raising a hand to stop him.

“Answer this question for me, you say that you didn’t get married to hurt me, so why did you? Why didn’t you wait?”

“He asked,” Michael says shrugging. “And I’d give him anything he wanted.”

Maria makes a disbelieving sound in the back of her throat shaking her head again.

“How do you know he’s not going to walk away again?” she asks, and it makes the air catch painfully in his lungs. “Now that he has you, how are you so sure that he’s not going to leave?”

Michael exhales roughly. “I don’t,” he admits. “But he says he won’t. And I trust him.”

Maria shakes her head again and puts the cover back over the bottle.

“This is the conversation that we should’ve had a year and a half ago,” she tells him. “And maybe Alex is right when he says that I didn’t want to know, but you didn’t want me to know either.”

Michael just swallows hard, but doesn’t look away as she stares him down.

“Thank you for telling me the truth,” she says stiffly. “Now. I’m going to need you to forget the way to get here for a while, even during working hours.”

Michael just inclines his head and places his hat over his head.

“And for your sake,” she says as he turns to leave. “I hope your trust isn’t misplaced, because I’m never going through this again, Guerin.”

Michael just shuts his eyes tight and walks out of the door. 

* * *

"Don’t freak out, okay?” Alex says as soon as Michael gets out of his truck. 

Michael gives him a look, eyeing him to see how serious the situation is, and comes to the conclusion that it’s not serious at all. Alex isn’t even wearing shoes, which only happens when he’s completely comfortable, and Michael is about seventy five percent sure that the flannel shirt he’s wearing over his faded Air Force t-shirt belongs to him, and that he lost it over a year ago.

Michael reaches for Alex, wrapping his fingers in the open collar of his shirt. “Is this mine?”

Alex blinks at him momentarily confused, and his cheeks go a little pink, which is really all the answer that Michael needs.

He leans in, and Alex’s eyes drop to his mouth.

Before Michael can say or do anything else, the sound of someone’s booming laugh comes from the other side of the cabin.

Michael looks over, like he can see through the cabin and to the other side if he concentrates hard enough, and catches the scent of barbeque in the air.

He looks back to Alex, raising an eyebrow, as he hears Kyle say something loud followed by more laughter.

“Freak out about what?” Michael asks because it sounds like they have more company than Kyle.

Alex gives him a winning smile that momentarily stuns him. “Well, apparently when you bleed all over someone it forms a lifelong bond that means that they have your name on a list that enables them to become aware of any changes made to the files of information that the government keeps on all it’s people.”

By the time he’s finished speaking, he looks exasperated, but fond.

Michael’s eyes narrow. “And all of that is Alex speak for?”

Alex smiles and rolls his eyes a little, “My previous CO found out that I got married, and got upset because I didn’t invite him to the wedding, so he invited himself and his wife to dinner, and brought along enough gifts to inform me that my whole troop knows about the marriage.”

Michael takes a step back, hands unclenching from the collar of Alex’s shirt, but he keeps his hands resting on Alex’s chest while he watches him, trying to see if there’s something that Alex isn’t telling him.

But he looks so happy, almost like he’s glowing from within with the feeling, and it makes something ache deep within him when he realizes that he doesn’t remember the last time that he saw Alex this happy.

Michael moves his hands, sliding them to the back of Alex’s neck, and leaning in close, “You’re really happy that he came to visit.”

Alex bites down on his lip, brow furrowed a little, before he shakes his head and gives Michael a soft smile, draping his arms over Michael shoulders.

“Not exactly,” he answers, and then leans forward closing his eyes and presses their foreheads together. “I knew from the moment that you chose me that we wouldn’t be able to share anything with anyone because they wouldn’t understand it or they wouldn’t want to know, and that I would have to tamp down how fucking deliriously happy you make me in front of your family and everyone else, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to shout it out from the rooftops, and you have no idea how good it feels to tell someone who means so much to me, how happy you make me.”

Michael watches Alex’s face from this close, how his lips stretch into a small smile, and feels the guilt heavy in his stomach, but more than that, he wants to make this right, and he will.

“Hey,” Michael whispers, nudging his nose to Alex’s and smiling when Alex’s nose wrinkles and his eyes flutter open.

Alex looks up at him, and Michael kisses him.

Alex makes a soft sound against his mouth, before he slides his fingers into Michael’s hair and deepens the kiss.

Michael moves, pushing until Alex is pressed against the side of the cabin, and he can push in close and kiss him deeper and try to fuse their skin together through osmosis.

Alex parts their mouths with a gasp turning his face to inhale deeply and Michael rests his forehead to Alex’s temple, closing his eyes and breathing heavily.

“I promise, that eventually we’ll be able to share exactly how happy we are with everyone.”

Alex doesn’t say anything.

“I talked to Maria today,” he says and feels Alex’s fingers start to gently pet at his scalp. 

“I kind of figured that you would,” Alex responds, slow and easy. “You okay?”

Michael exhales roughly. “Yeah, I am, now. What I’m trying to say is that, I don’t care how upset it makes everyone else. Be as happy as you want, because I’m definitely not going to hold back.”

Alex tugs against his hair and turns to face him and just stares at his face for a long moment before he smiles again and leans in and presses a quick kiss to Michael’s mouth pulling away too fast. Michael makes a low noise and Alex laughs.

“We have company,” Alex says, smiling. “They know I came out here to get you. Kyle will probably be by soon to make sure we’re not getting too distracted.”

“What is Kyle doing here?” Michael asks raising an eyebrow. “I thought he was also mad at us.”

“He is mad at us, more you than me though. But he said I’m also his friend, and brought me some whiskey and champagne yesterday to celebrate our marriage. He’s happy that I’m happy. And he was leaving when the Barkers got here, and I’ve had to explain three times that he’s not the one I married, so you need to come with me now so I can show off my husband.

"Okay,” Michael says nodding his head and swallowing hard. “Okay, and you don’t think that your CO is going to be disappointed when you introduce me as your husband instead of the surgeon who works out regularly?”

Alex’s brow furrows in confusion. “Why-?” And then his face clears and he gives Michael an exasperated, but fond look.

“You know that I didn’t mean anything that I said to you that night. It was just an excuse to make you angry, because it’s easier to walk away when you’re mad at me, but in case you need the reminder,” he digs his fingers into Michael’s hair and looks deeply into his eyes.

“I love you,” he says and Michael feels the words hit him deep inside. “And even if you weren’t the smartest, bravest, kindest person that I know, I would never be disappointed or embarrassed to call you my husband.”

Alex doesn’t look away, and Michael blinks at him, not knowing how to respond.

“But don’t worry,” he continues when Michael doesn’t say anything. “I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen, and it was you who I kept asking for while I was bleeding out in the desert, and it was the thought of coming back to you that made me strive to get better faster, and he knows that, okay?”

Michael swallows hard and nods his head before he leans in and kisses Alex hard.

“I love you,” he whispers in the space between their mouths.

Alex smiles wide and bright, and kisses Michael again.


	7. Chapter 7

“All I’m saying is that there were two people who got married and only one person who got the gift!” Michael complained for the fourth time as they pulled up outside of Isobel’s house.

“I’m sorry, did you want to share? I can-” Alex offered.

Michael turned to glare at him. “What am I gonna do with that gizmo Harrison sent you?”

Alex shrugged. He could admit that it was very much a him gift rather than a them gift but he appreciated his squad mate sending them a wedding gift either way. Besides, “Wells sent us a waffle iron.”

Michael parked and pointed at him. “Which you will never touch because we need the cabin to stay standing.”

Alex rolled his eyes but had to concede the point. He was bad in the kitchen, okay? “Which means you got something that’s not for both of us.” He pointed out as he carefully stepped down from the truck.

Michael was a step ahead of him, his shoulders oddly tense, and Alex wasn’t having it. Isobel had been slightly supportive and invited them both to dinner but Alex really didn’t want to go inside if they were at odds. They needed to be a united front right now.

“Hey,” he called gently as he reached out and snagged the edge of Michael’s sleeve. His grip was light but it was enough to stop Michael in his tracks. He tugged loosely and Michael turned easily. Alex moved his hand to Michael’s waist as his other hand settled on his chest. “What is this about? Does Harrison’s gift really bother you that much? I can send it back.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Like you could bear to part with it.” Alex didn’t answer. He would if it really bothered Michael but he would very much like to keep it. “No, don’t do that. It’s stupid. It’s just- I appreciate that your squadmates sent stuff even though they’ve never met me.”

Alex sighed and nodded. “You want your friends to send gifts too.” It wasn’t a question.

Michael shrugged and looked away. “It’s stupid. I knew they weren’t going to be happy but- I don’t know, seeing your friends all supportive just makes me think about it I guess. I know they would’ve given stuff to me and Maria.”

“You know it’s not the fact that it’s me that’s making them stay away, right?” Alex asked. “It’s about how fast everything happened. They just need time to process. They’ll come around eventually,” he promised.

“You think so?” Michael’s voice was quiet.

Alex pressed a light kiss to his lips. “Your friends and family love you Michael, and they’re going to be happy for us. Eventually. They just need time.” He wasn’t sure he believed his own words but he knew it was what Michael needed to hear. “Now come on, we’re late.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, Izzy’s gonna be pissed.” He spun on his heel and bounded towards the door, Alex following at a slower pace.

Michael didn’t knock, a habit of the three siblings that Alex was trying to get used to, and just went in. He left the door open behind him for Alex but he continued on without him.

“Iz!” Alex heard him yell. “Sorry we’re late.”

Michael’s voice faded on the last word and Alex furrowed his brow. Silence came from the rest of the house and Alex closed the door before quickly joining Michael.

“Oh,” he let out as he stepped into the living room to see Max and Liz. Isobel stood opposite them, her hands on her hips and her face pinched in anger. “Hi.”

He reached a hand out blindly to grab at Michael’s, the other man gripping him tight but otherwise not moving. Alex chanced a look at him. He knew he hadn’t spoken to either Max or Liz since the confrontation at the cabin and Michael had been hurting as a result.

Alex turned back to the unexpected couple. “Isobel didn’t mention it would be dinner for five.”

“It isn’t,” Isobel corrected with a glare at her brother. “They weren’t invited.”

Max brushed her off and took a step towards Michael and Alex. Michael didn’t move except to squeeze Alex’s hand tighter. 

“Michael, we need to talk.”

“So talk.”

Max glanced at Alex. “Privately.”

Michael shook his head. “Why? Just say what you want to say, Max.”

Max opened his mouth but Isobel spat out a sharp “Max, don’t,” and he snapped it shut.

“How could you be so cruel?” Liz joined the conversation. Unlike at the cabin, her tone was more curious than combative but Alex tensed anyway. He hadn’t forgotten that the last time they met, she’d slapped his husband.

“I wasn’t trying to be,” Michael answered. “I just wanted to be happy.”

“You were happy,” Max told him. “You and Maria had something good. Why would you fuck that up? For-” he stopped as he looked at Alex again. Alex stared coolly back.

“I wasn’t happy, Max,” Michael told him quietly. “I was- I don’t know, content?”

Max scoffed. “The last year and a half is the happiest I’ve ever seen you.”

“That’s depressing,” Michael was flat. “Because then you’ve never seen me be happy. Not once.”

“If you were so miserable, why did you propose?” Liz asked. “If you hated being with Maria, why ask her to be your wife? To spend her life with you? Why do that if you were just going to leave?”

Michael shrugged. “I was happy enough with her. Like I said, I was content. Things with Maria were good. I could have married her and we could have had a decent life together. But I wanted something more. I wanted great, not good. I wanted to be happy, not merely content. And as soon as I realized what that meant for me, I tried to end it. It wasn’t supposed to happen like it did.”

“And Alex is great?” Max asked, disbelief evident in his tone. Michael tensed but Alex squeezed his hand. He wanted to do more but he couldn’t with their current audience. “You two had what? A decade of hook ups? You really he’s worth throwing away the best relationship you ever had?”

“Yes,” Michael told him simply. “Alex is worth everything.”

“I don’t understand,” Liz protested. “If Alex, if this relationship, means so fucking much to you, why be with Maria in the first place? Why put her through all of that if you knew you were in love with someone else? Did you just want to hurt her?”

“With all due respect, Liz,” Alex told her. “That’s between us and Maria. It’s not your business.”

Liz turned on him with blazing eyes and Alex felt a pang in his chest. There was a time when she would’ve defended him this fiercely but somewhere along the way she’d made a choice between him and Maria and he’d lost her. “My best friend is in pain and I want to know why.”

Alex met her gaze. “Then ask her. You want to make us the villains in this story? Fine. We’ve been awful, that’s true. There were absolutely better ways to handle all of this. But Maria isn’t a saint that got fucked over. She had her own part to play, too.” He took a deep breath. “If your friend is in pain, I recommend going to her and being there for her rather than yelling at us. Because this isn’t helping anyone, let alone Maria.”

Liz made a disbelieving noise in the back of her throat and shook her head. “I just can’t believe you would do this, Alex.”

“Do what? Put myself first?” He scoffed. “I learned it from Maria.”

“She would never do something like this!”

“She already did. A year and a half ago.” Alex glared at her. “And you didn’t give a single solitary shit about what it did to me. Where was this Liz when I needed you? Where were you when I was the one trying to put my heart back together after Maria broke it?” Liz’s eyes widened and she took an involuntary step back. “Oh that’s right. You were telling me to get over it and be happy for her.”

Alex was suddenly done with this conversation. He turned to Isobel. “Alcohol?”

Isobel nodded and jerked her head towards the kitchen. “Help yourself.”

Alex nodded and, with a final squeeze of Michael’s hand, left the room.

The kitchen was far enough away from the living room that he couldn’t really make out what was being said but the sound of muffled voices continued for long enough that he found two glasses and a bottle of whiskey and poured out generous helpings. 

“For fuck’s sake, Max. Get out!” He heard Isobel yell. The front door slammed loudly only a moment later.

Alex grabbed both glasses and went back to the living room. Michael was still standing in the same place though his face was considerably whiter and his hands were clutched into fists. Alex looked for a place to put the glasses only to have Isobel lift both of them from him without a word. He didn’t bother thanking her as he went to Michael’s side, his hands cupping Michael’s face.

“Michael?” He asked softly. “What happened? What did Max say?”

Michael shook his head and pulled Alex into a kiss without a word. “It doesn’t matter,” he answered when they parted. “It doesn’t matter.”

It looked to Alex like it very much mattered but he didn’t push.

“I made lasagna,” Isobel announced from the doorway after a moment. “If you’re still hungry.”

Alex looked from her to Michael, leaving the decision up to him. Michael took a deep breath and nodded, plastering a smile on his face as he walked over to his sister. 

“Did you make it or did you buy it and stick it in the oven?”

Isobel scoffed. “Who do you take me for? Of course I bought it.”

Alex looked on as Michael laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Isobel’s forehead. “Thank you for not trying to kill us.”

Isobel swatted him lightly on the chest but walked with him into the dining room. 

The air was tense as they sat down but all three of them seemed determined to ignore it and after a while the mood lifted. Alex sat back in his seat and smiled as he watched the two siblings bicker harmlessly. 

Once they finished eating, Isobel cleared her throat and produced an envelope out of nowhere. She flipped it over in her hands before handing it to Alex.

Alex looked from it to Isobel to Michael before taking it and pulling at the flap.

“I wanted to apologize,” she started. 

“For what?” Michael asked, his brow furrowed. 

“For my part in everything that happened.” Isobel played with a napkin. “I know I sort of pushed you towards Maria right after Noah-” she cleared her throat. “Anyway, I was in a bad place and I gave you bad advice. But then you seemed happy enough so I didn’t say anything. You- you seemed lighter than you had been and I thought that was enough. And then when you came to me for relationship advice a few months ago and I suggested taking the next step- I knew your heart wasn’t in it but I pushed you because I thought it could be good for you. Michael, you always seem to have this fear that people are going to leave and I know marriage isn’t the answer to that but I thought maybe it would help? Like if you and Maria said the vows and signed the paperwork that maybe you wouldn’t be so afraid anymore.” She laid her hand over Michael’s on the table. “Max wasn’t completely wrong before,” Michael tried to pull his hand away but Isobel held tight. “We’ve never really seen you be happy, Michael. Because we’ve never seen you be with Alex. In the last few weeks, your soul has been lighter than ever. It’s beautiful. And I’m sorry for the part I played in keeping you from this for so long.”

“Izzy-” Michael breathed. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. You were just being my sister. It’s not your fault I never told you the truth about me and Alex.”

Isobel huffed, the corner of her lips twitching. “I know. Now if only I was some kind of mind reader and could have figured it out on my own…”

Alex snorted. He couldn’t help it. He slapped a hand over his mouth in horror but it seemed to have broken the heavy mood and soon they were all laughing. Michael pulled his sister into a hug. Alex heard him whisper something to her but he couldn’t make out what it was.

When the hug continued, he looked away, his attention drawn to the envelope Isobel had handed him. With a final pull he ripped the flap open and pulled out the contents. 

There was a brochure for a travel agency and another one for a cruise line and beneath that there was a check. A very generous check.

“Isobel?” He asked, looking up as they separated. “What is this?”

Isobel wiped at the tears on her face as she looked at him quizzically before her eyes fell to the open envelope. “Oh, that.”

Michael reached over and pulled it from Alex’s lax hands. “Yeah that.”

“Congratulations,” she told them. “I wasn’t sure what kind of wedding gift you’d want or if you needed anything out at your cabin but I figured I could contribute to a honeymoon fund.” She shrugged lightly. “It’s Noah’s money, really, and I don’t want it so I thought you two could use it.”

Alex gaped at her. “That’s not a fund, that’s-”

“Jesus Christ Izzy,” Michael cursed. “This is way too much.”

Isobel glared at him. “It’s my money and I can do whatever I want with it. And I want to give it to my brother and his husband so that they can have an amazing honeymoon.” 

Michael opened his mouth to protest but Isobel’s glare shut him down. Alex reached over and grasped his hand as he continued to stare at the envelope and its contents.

“Thank you, Isobel,” he told her sincerely.

“You’re welcome, Alex.”

—

Michael followed Alex out of Isobel’s house a while later still in shock. He couldn’t believe Isobel had given them a wedding gift. He’d deal with the sheer amount of zero’s on the check later, once he recovered from his sister giving him a wedding gift. She’d called Alex his husband. She- she was amazing. 

But as amazing as she was, he couldn’t stop replaying Max’s last words to him.

What happens when he leaves you again, Michael? He’s done it before. Countless times. What makes you think now will be any different?

Isobel had thrown Max out after that but his words lingered. Worse, they combined with Maria’s words to fester in the back of his mind.

“Hey,” Alex said softly, his fingertips brushing the edge of his jaw. Michael blinked and focused on him. At some point, they’d gotten back to the truck with Michael pressed up against Alex, Alex’s back against his door. “Talk to me.”

“Are you going to leave?” It was out before Michael could stop it.

Alex’s eyes widened. “Why would you ask me that?”

“You’ve done it before,” Michael replied. “And Max-”

Alex cupped his jaw firmly and pulled him into a deep kiss. “Ignore Max,” he told him when he pulled back. “Max doesn’t know shit. No one does but us. And I’m not going anywhere. I know it and you know it.”

He grabbed Michael’s left hand and pulled it up until he could reach over with his own left hand. He held them up between them, the setting sun glinting off of their rings. “Look at this,” he urged softly. “I don’t make vows lightly, Michael, you know that. But these? This was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. And I’m not going back on it. Not ever.”

Michael surged forwards and captured his lips, Alex’s head bumping back against the window. Alex pulled away laughing softly.

“Do you believe me?” He asked.

Michael nodded.

“Say it,” he urged.

“I believe you,” Michael promised. And he did. He just sometimes needed to hear Alex say it.

Alex worried his lower lip, his eyes suddenly furtive. 

“What?” Michael asked.

“I was going to talk to you about it later, but I suppose now is good enough.”

Michael tried not to get worried but he was suddenly anxious. He waved a hand next to them. “Well?” He asked when Alex didn’t say anything.

“I really hate my dad.” Michael blinked. That was not what he was expecting Alex to say.

“I know?”

Alex laughed. “And I don’t want anything to do with him. If I’m going to be associated with anyone, I want it to be you.”

“..okay?” Michael wasn’t sure where Alex was going with this.

“Would you have any objection to me changing my name?” Alex asked softly. “I’m more than ready to stop being a Manes and being a Guerin doesn’t sound half bad, hon-”

Michael cut him off with his lips.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter by reachedthebitterend (partsofthesamecosmicbeing on tumblr)

Max is surprised to hear Michael’s truck pulling into his driveway while he’s leaning on his desk drinking his morning cup of coffee.

He looks over to the guest room where Maria and Liz are still asleep, and sets the mug down. 

He hears Michael getting out of the truck and his steps as he makes his way to the front door, and he frowns when there is an official sounding knock on his door.

Michael never knocks, and when he does, it never sounds like that of a stranger’s.

Max walks over to the door, and opens it, and his confusion turns into shock when Alex Manes gives him a sardonic smile.

“Are you busy?” he asks, and then walks right into the house, brushing past Max.

Max looks out to the driveway to see that he wasn’t wrong. It was Michael’s truck, but Michael wasn’t the one who’d been driving it.

Max turns around and sees that Alex didn’t go far, just a few steps inside and then turned around to face him standing at attention, like a soldier.

“Is there something that I can do for you?” Max asks, squaring his shoulders, and crossing his arms over his chest.

Alex raises an eyebrow at that and then rolls his eyes. “I’m not here to take up much of your time. I just have one thing to say.”

He takes a step closer, letting his hands hang loose at his sides, posture relaxing slightly as though he deems Max a non threat.

“You can be mad, and disappointed, and whatever else you want to be about how we handled the situation, but you do _not _ever tell Michael that I’m going to leave him because you know exactly zero about the situation.”

Max inhales deeply and narrows his eyes at Alex. “I know about your father. What he did to Michael.”

Alex gives him a slightly startled look, but it’s masked so quickly that Max thinks he imagines it.

“And, you think that makes you an expert on the situation?” Alex responds raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Max says. “But I know _my _brother, and it took years for him to tell me the truth. Years where you left him over and over again. Years where he was miserable and stuck in stasis until-”

“What?” Alex says. “Until Maria brought a breath of fresh air into his life? Do you really think that _your _brother decided to move on because he fell in love with Maria?”

Max blinks at him, feeling wrong footed for a second, but Alex just steams right along not really expecting an answer.

“You know, I thought out of everyone you and Isobel would’ve known Michael the best, but it’s looking like, you don’t actually know him at all.”

“And you got to know him so well,” Max snaps taking a step closer to Alex. “In between coming here sporadically to roll around in his bed and give him enough hope to fuck him up when you leave and the couple of months you were here before he made the decision to be with Maria instead of you?”

Alex’s left eye twitches but he doesn’t look away or back away. 

“I’m not here to talk about that,” Alex states decisively. “It has nothing to do with you, but since you want to involve yourself, answer me this question-”

He licks his lips and takes a step closer, chin tilted a little as he looks up at Max, “How did it feel when Liz came back into town and almost immediately tried to jump into bed with Kyle? Not good I imagine.”

Max wasn’t expecting that, and he has to shut his eyes and clench his fists when he feels himself pull against the electric currents. He can feel the way the lights flicker.

When he opens his eyes again, back in control, Alex is raising an eyebrow at him as though Max proved his point without saying anything.

“Now take that feeling and multiply it by a hundred and you’ll get how I felt every single day for the last year and a half, the main difference being that Kyle wasn’t like family to you then, but Maria was like family to me. I only had two people in this town, Michael and Maria. And Michael was the only one I visited every single chance that I got.”

“To keep him tangled up in you-” Max starts, not liking how many times Alex is taking him by surprise in this conversation.

“Because I love him!” Alex yells, and then takes a step back and exhales roughly before shaking his head and closing his eyes and then inhaling deeply, and then turning a look on Max that seems to be completely devoid of emotion.

“Everyone seems so stuck on the fact that I kept walking away when I had no fucking choice but to leave,” he swallows and blinks rapidly before giving Max a sardonic smile. “You say that you know about what my father did to him, but it sounds like you think that that was something that happened only because Michael was Michael, and that’s not the reason why. But I refuse to tear open the scars that I took so long to heal from just so you can get some closure. Michael knows why I did what I did, and that’s the only thing that matters to me. He believes that I’m not leaving him again, and I’ll do anything to make sure that no one ever hurts him again, even if I have to protect him from _you_.”

“And who’s going to protect him from you?” Max asks, and keeps going when Alex’s eyes flare and he clenches his jaw. “Who is going to pick up the pieces when you leave again?”

“Are you deaf, or hard of hearing, or do you just have a comprehension problem?” Alex snaps. “I’m not going anywhere. I haven’t gone anywhere since I finally finished my contract with the Air Force. I hate this town and all the people that live here, but I’m here, because Michael is here, and I’m never going anywhere without him again.”

Max just blinks at him, not knowing what to say.

Alex swallows hard and looks away before he turns back to Max. “And that’s all you’re getting from me. I’m not expecting you to welcome me into your family with open arms, and I’m definitely not expecting to go on double dates with you and Liz. Hell, you don’t have to like me, Max. I don’t care about you or what you think of me. But Michael does, and he cares about your opinion, and he cares about your acceptance, and he cares so _much_. You’re his family, and he is mine. So you’re just going to have to learn how to deal with it.”

And then Alex moves fast and pushes Max back against the open door, one hand in the middle of his chest, as he looks at him seriously, and for the first time since this conversation started Max feels scared of Alex.

“But if I hear you’re telling him things that are only feeding into his insecurities and hurting him, I won’t be this nice during my next visit.”

He pushes away from Max then and walks out through the open door, leaving Max to watch him as he goes feeling like he’s missing something big.

Alex pulls his phone out of his pocket and smiles bright at whoever is calling.

“I told you I had an errand to run in the morning,” he’s saying as he gets into the truck. “It’s not my fault you hid my keys but not your own.”

The rest of his words are cut off as he closes the truck door and starts up the engine.

Max watches him leave, and he lets out a breath before he moves, closing the door behind him and feeling more confused about this whole situation than he’s been since it started.

* * *

Alex opens the door to the cabin and Michael drags him inside, ignoring the coffees he’s holding in his hands to kiss him.

Alex kisses him back, moaning low in the back of his throat as Michael pushes him back against the open door.

Michael kisses him almost to distraction and Alex makes a mournful sound when he pulls away, eyes fluttering open, to see Michael looking at him with a sweet smile on his face. 

“Good morning,” he whispers low and slow. “You weren’t here when I woke up.”

“Sorry,” Alex whispers back breathless. “I had something to do.”

“More important than me?” Michael asks leaning in closer and pressing a kiss to Alex’s chin.

“Never, just unavoidable,” Alex says and his breathing stutters as Michael drags his lips down the length of his neck. 

“I got coffee,” he offers, and Michael immediately stops kissing him to take the two paper cups from his hands, and sets them down on the small table beside the door, and kisses Alex again.

Alex slides his fingers into Michael’s hair and tugs him in close kissing him hard and a little desperate. 

His conversation with Max wasn’t bad all things considered, but it still left him feeling with a bad taste in his mouth at the way that everyone else seems to view their relationship up until this point. 

Michael pulls away to inhale deeply and Alex drags his hands through Michael’s hair, to press his fingers to the back of his neck as he drops his forehead to Michael’s.

“I love you,” he whispers and Michael jolts a little against him. “So much. I’m never going anywhere without you ever again.”

Michael nudges their noses together and Alex’s eyes flutter open. Michael’s eyes are shining bright and happy. “I know,” he says. “I wasn’t freaking out because I thought you left again. I’m already used to waking up next to you and kissing you good morning, you can’t just not be there. It’s like an addiction, and I need at least three hours in order to satisfy it properly.”

Alex huffs out a laugh, and Michael nudges their noses together again. 

“You get two hours, before we have to go to the courthouse. I made an appointment for the name change.”

Michael kisses him hard, biting down against his bottom lip and making Alex moan into his mouth, and wrap his arms fully around his neck to pull him in even closer.

Michael pulls back slowly and Alex’s eyes blink open slowly.

Michael smiles happy and bright and sweet, before it goes wicked as he presses the tip of his tongue to his top lip and leans in a little, eyes turning dark.

“How many times do you think I can make you come in two hours?”

Alex inhales sharply, feeling a spike of heat that jolts down his spine and up the back of his neck.

He opens his mouth to answer, and Michael drops to his knees.

The answer gets lost somewhere between Alex’s fingers finding their way back into Michael’s hair, and Michael unbuttoning Alex’s jeans with just a thought, his hands hot and heavy on either side of Alex’s hips.


	9. Chapter 9

Liz wasn’t sure what woke her up. She could tell from the light streaming in that it was early. Too early.

She glanced but Maria was still asleep and the rest of the room was still. Distantly, she heard voices coming from the hall. 

Liz slipped out of the bed and creeped the door open slowly, quickly closing it behind her so as not to wake Maria when the voices got louder. She could make out Max’s voice and furrowed her brow at the anger in it. Not a lot could make Max angry this early in the morning. She crept closer when the other person responded to softly for her to make out.

“…know my brother, and it took years for him to tell me the truth. Years where you left him over and over again. Years where he was miserable and stuck in stasis until-”

“What?” Liz inhaled sharply. That was Alex’s voice. “Until Maria brought a breath of fresh air into his life? Do you really think that your brother decided to move on because he fell in love with Maria?”

Liz took a few steps until she stood at the corner, Alex and Max just a few feet away and yet oblivious to her presence. She knew she shouldn’t eavesdrop but there was so much about this whole situation that she just didn’t understand.

She stayed tucked away, her ear bent towards the two men as they carried on their conversation, their words ringing in Liz’s head. It was only when she heard the thud of a body hitting something solid that she stepped around the corner.

Alex had Max pinned to the wall with one hand pressed firmly to his chest. He was leaned in, his words too soft for Liz to hear. As she took a step forward to interceded, Alex left. She heard his voice fade as he spoke on the phone but she ignored it in favor of hurrying to Max’s side.

“What the hell was that?” She asked as he shut the front door, Michael’s truck disappearing around the turn.

“Just a friendly chat, is all,” Max glared at the empty driveway and turned away to face her.

“Max, come on. He had you against the wall!”

“It’s nothing, Liz. Don’t worry about it.”

He tried to step past her but Liz stood in his way. “Talk to me Max. There’s been enough secrets and lies around here to satisfy a lifetime and I don’t need it from you too.” She glared at him before softening. “I just want to know what is going on.”

Max sighed. “I think Alex is bad for Michael. He’s hurt Michael a lot over the years and I just know he’s going to do it again. I guess Michael told Alex what I said at Isobel’s and Alex had an issue with it so he came to talk to me.”

“He threw you against a wall because you told Michael Alex might leave him again?”

Max sort of tilted his head to the side. “Pretty much. We had some other things to say but that was the gist of it.” He looked at her. “Satisfied?”

Liz blinked but nodded. It didn’t sound like the Alex she knew but it was rapidly becoming apparent that she didn’t know Alex anymore. She felt Max press a kiss into her hair as he brushed past her but she didn’t move. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself and stared through the window in the door to the driveway, lost in thought.

Eventually she turned away and retreated back to the guest room she’d shared with Maria last night. Maria was just starting to stir and Liz curled up in the bed next to her, waiting until she was more awake.

“Morning,” Maria mumbled as she turned over to face Liz. “What time is it?”

“Early,” Liz told her quietly. Maria blinked and propped up on an elbow, suddenly alert.

“What’s wrong?”

Liz furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

Maria waved in her direction. “Something’s off. Something’s bugging you. A lot.”

Liz raised an eyebrow. “You can tell that something’s bugging me?”

“It’s more like- you’re upset but I can’t tell if you’re upset with yourself or someone else.”

Liz sighed and sat up, Maria sitting up next to her. Together they tugged the blankets around them. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Whether I’m upset with myself or someone else. I think it’s both but I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know? What’s bothering you?” Maria put her hand on Liz’s and squeezed gently. Liz smiled in spite of herself. Maria was ten kinds of hungover and dealing with a mountain of her own shit but her first thought in the morning was to comfort Liz. Part of her didn’t want to burden her any more but the far larger part wanted answers.

“About Michael and Alex,” Liz answered. “There’s so much that I just don’t understand. And when I saw Alex yesterday, he said something that-” Maria had gone tense next to her. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t bring them up.”

Maria took a few deep breaths before shaking her head. “No, it’s okay. Talking’s good, right?”

Liz nodded slowly. “What happened? When you and Michael started dating? With Alex, I mean?”

“What do you mean?” Maria looked confused. “Michael and Alex weren’t together then.”

“Right,” Liz said slowly. “But how was Alex involved? How did you find out about them? Did you talk to Alex when you started dating Michael? How did that play out?”

Maria paused. “Why are you asking?”

Liz hesitated. “Alex said something.”

“About?” Maria prompted when she didn’t continue.

“About how a year and a half ago you did something similar to him, with Michael. And then he basically accused me of abandoning him and at first I got really mad but the more I thought about it, the more I think he’s right. I knew he was upset about you two dating but I never really talked to him about it. There were just always other things going on and him being weird around you two just sorta got in the way so I told him he needed to be a better friend and support the two of you.” She paused. “And now I think I really fucked that up but I don’t really understand how.”

Maria let go of her hand and wiped at her face. Liz was surprised to see tears welling up. “Maria, I don’t-”

“He’s not wrong,” she cut her off. “I mean, it wasn’t the same. Not at all because Michael and Alex were not together let alone engaged but-”

“But?”

Maria cleared her throat. “But I knew that Alex was in love with him. After Texas, when Michael and I first slept together, Alex came to the bar to talk about boy problems and I don’t know. I don’t remember exactly how it went down but he was feeling hopeful and happy for the first time in a long time and I figured out it was because of Michael. I uh- I promised him that one night meant nothing and it would never happen again.”

Liz was confused. “So then how did you and Michael get together?”

Maria shrugged. “I couldn’t help how I feel, right? And I just- I really wanted to be selfish for once in my life and Michael came to me and promised me that they were long over and I just- I did something for me. He kissed me and I kissed him back and things just sort of went from there.”

Liz was starting to feel sick. “And Alex?”

Maria played with the blanket. “He and Michael had a few fights that I overheard. But he and I only talked about it once and it- it wasn’t really a conversation. I basically told him what I just told you. That I cared about Michael and I deserved to be selfish for once and I didn’t want to hurt him but I couldn’t help the way that I felt. I asked him to try and be happy for us.” She laughed harshly. “I told him if he cared about both of us then he’d want us to be happy. He uh- he didn’t really say anything and I didn’t talk to him again until the night we- that night at his cabin.”

“Maria…” Liz didn’t know what to say. She’d fallen out of touch with Alex almost immediately after they got Max back but she was so wrapped up with him and Rosa that it took her months to really notice and by then he’d pulled so far away from the rest of them that she didn’t try too hard to reach out. Now, she wished she had talked to him right from the start.

“I know,” Maria said quietly. “I fucked up and I was a shitty friend. That’s why I tried so hard with Michael. I thought, if we made it work, if we made it last, that it would have been worth it. I might’ve lost Alex but I gained Michael.”

Liz swallowed. “Was it worth it?”

“To have him dump me in the middle of my bar and run off and marry someone else?” Maria scoffed. “No.”

“Was it worth it for the last year and a half?” Liz clarified. “To have Michael but not Alex?”

Maria closed her eyes. “No,” she admitted quietly. “I loved Michael, hell I’m in love with him still no matter how much it hurts, but Alex was my brother. My family and I just threw it all away.” She sniffed. “I talked to him too, you know.” Liz shook her head. “I don’t think I realized how alone he’s been. He said my relationship cost him his best friend, the love of his life, and everyone else he had in this town and at first I just thought he was being dramatic but he wasn’t was he?”

Liz shook her head. “I don’t think so, no.”

“They fucked me over. Truly. But I’ve had you by my side every minute. And Max and even Isobel. Who did Alex have?”

Liz looked away. “I don’t think he had anybody. We all wanted to support you and Michael and I don’t think anyone really bothered to ask him how he was. We just wanted him to get on board too.”

“I don’t think he and I can ever be fixed, Liz.” Maria told her. “We’ve hurt each other too much to ever go back. Maybe, maybe one day we’ll be able to be in the same room but right now I don’t think either one of us could manage that. But he shouldn’t have had to lose everyone.” She grasped Liz’s hand. “You should try to fix it. I mean, I’m furious with him, but he needs his friends too.”

“And Michael?”

“Michael can shit a brick for all I care,” Maria replied quickly. Liz let out a startled laugh.

“He’s my friend, Maria. My best friend, after you.” Liz paused. “I don’t want to lose him like I lost Alex. And I don’t want to lose you.”

Maria closed her eyes. “You shouldn’t have to lose any of us, Liz. I’m not going to ask you to pick, that’d be cruel of me, but I can’t be around them right now, either.”

Liz nodded in understanding. They didn’t say anything for a while after that.

“Do you think they really love each other?” Liz had to ask. It was mean to ask Maria but she honestly didn’t know who else to talk to about them.

Maria laughed humorlessly. “No.”

Liz stared at her. Did Maria honestly think they would do all of this if they didn’t love each other?

Maria shook her head. “I don’t think it, Liz. I know it. Alex has been in love with Michael since we were 17 and honestly, I’m pretty sure Michael’s been in love with him just as long. Whatever their problems are or were, it’s not a lack of love.”

And well, Liz didn’t know how to reply to that.

—

Liz stopped outside of Alex’s cabin and shut her car off. After her talk with Maria yesterday and a phone call with Kyle earlier, she was ready to talk to Alex.

Or at least she had been. Until right now. 

She could hear music coming from the house even through her car so they probably hadn’t heard her pull up. There was still time to turn around.

She got as far as a hand on the key to turn the ignition and froze.

No.

She was better than this. With a huff she threw the door open and stepped out. Outside the car, the music was even louder. Slowly, she made her way up the steps and peered inside. The doors and windows were all wide open, the music clearly coming from inside. 

“Hello!” She called out but there was no answer. Liz glanced around but didn’t see either Alex or Michael anywhere. Both of their cars were in the driveway but the men were absent.

Once again, she considered just getting back in her car but she steeled herself and went inside, calling out again. Slowly, she made her way through the small cabin until she got to the kitchen. When she still didn’t see them she looked around for the speakers. Just as she located it and got a hand on it to turn the music down, movement caught her eye through the kitchen window. 

Liz quickly made her way to the back door and out onto the back deck. Michael and Alex were a short distance away, both shirtless with Alex in shorts. She stopped short at the sight of his prosthetic. In the two years he’d been in Roswell since the accident, she’d never actually seen his leg. 

Michael held an axe in one hand and a beer in the other and was gesturing wildly while Alex stood across from him, next to a pile of logs. She couldn’t hear them from here but it was evident that they were arguing. 

Trouble in paradise already? She thought briefly before Alex burst out laughing. Something in her gut unclenched at the sight. Ever since she realized how alone Alex had been and how awful of a friend she was, a large part of her had been worried about him. But now? Now Liz honestly wasn’t sure when she’d last since him laugh like this. 

Something darted out from the trees and Liz startled even from her place on the deck. But it was only a puppy. A beagle, it looked like. Liz smiled as she remembered Mimi’s ‘premonition’ from so long ago. Alex sighed and picked the puppy up when it jumped at his legs. Michael pointed the hand with the beer at it and said something that made Alex do a full body eye roll.

Liz snorted as she watched them go back and forth for a bit. With everything that had happened, it hadn’t occurred to her that she’d never really seen the two of them together. It was nice. There was a lightness to both of them that she’d never seen before. An easiness, even.

Michael said something that caused Alex to freeze. He was half turned away from Michael but he slowly turned back around to face him. Michael said something else and Alex put the puppy back on the ground. When the dog scampered off Michael dropped both the axe and the beer and positively stalked towards Alex. 

Liz caught sight of a wicked grin on Alex’s lips right before Michael descended. She looked away to give them some privacy but when she looked back they didn’t appear to be slowing down at all. They were almost like two opposing magnets, drawn together until he was almost impossible to see where they separated.

She gave them another minute before she went inside and turned of the music. In the deafening silence that followed, she heard a gasp and a few happy barks.

When she stepped back outside, Alex was facing the house while Michael was halfway to the door. Both froze when they saw her.

“Hey,” she greeted with an awkward wave. Immediately, both of their expressions shuttered.

Liz took a deep breath. “Can we talk? Please?” She wasn’t sure she was talking loud enough for them to hear her but they quickly exchanged a look before Alex nodded.

“Let me just find the damn dog first.” He turned and headed towards the trees while Michael snorted and climbed the steps to the deck.

Liz stepped out of his way as he went inside. Through the window she saw him grab a bottle of water before he paused and braced himself on the counter. A part of her broke at the sight. He was her friend, her best friend, and she never wanted him to have to prepare himself to talk to her. Not like this.

She followed him inside. “You got a dog?” 

Michael shook his head without looking at her. “Trial run. The adoption center is letting us foster her for a few days to see if it’s a good fit.”

Liz nodded even though he wasn’t looking. “She’s cute.”

Michael hummed before downing the bottle. When it was empty he filled it back up and put it in the fridge, pulling out a new one that was already cold.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes until Alex came in, the puppy skidding across the floor to its bowl. Alex took the bottle from Michael with a smile and settled back against the counter next to him, opposite where Liz stood.

They stared at each other for a beat before Alex broke the silence. “What are you doing here, Liz?”

“I wanted to talk to you two.”

They stared at her blankly when she didn’t continue. “Okay?” Michael prodded.

“I’m really angry with both of you,” she started. Both men tensed. “What you did, the way you did it, was awful and cruel.”

Neither said a word.

“But you’re my friends and I don’t want to be so angry that I forget that.” Alex made a noise and looked away. Liz took a deep breath and moved to stand in front of him. She waited until he looked at her to continue. “I’m sorry, Alex. You were right, what you said at Isobel’s. I want to say I was a terrible friend to you when you were going through something awful but I wasn’t. I wasn’t a friend at all. I got wrapped up in my own issues and in trying to be there for Maria that I forgot that you might need me too and I am so sorry about that. I can’t take it back and I’m not sure I can make it up to you but I would like to try. If you’ll let me.” She paused but Alex didn’t say anything, his face carefully blank. “I’ve missed you, Alex. And I don’t really want to keep missing you if I don’t have to. Not when you’re right here.”

“If you missed me so much, why has it taken this long for you to come talk to me?” His voice was quiet but hard and Liz barely suppressed a flinch.

“Because I’m used to it,” she offered lamely. “We saw each other every day for years when we were kids but the last 12 years or so our friendship has mostly been online and I didn’t really think about it when I didn’t see you for a while. It’s terrible of me but I’m not going to lie about it. But we’re both here, Alex, and I want to see you more. I want a chance to be your friend again.”

Alex still didn’t say anything.

Liz nodded. “If that’s not something you want or if it’s not something you think we can do, I understand. I betrayed you too, in a way, and maybe that’s not something we can come back from. But- but if you think maybe we can figure out how to be friends again, not the way we were, but a new way, then I’d like to get together sometime. Maybe get fries and shakes at the Crashdown or something.” 

“I don’t know, Liz,” Alex said eventually.

Which, that hurt. But it was more than she hoped for honestly. “Okay,” she said. “Well I help my dad out on Tuesday nights so if you want to, just come on by around close and I can whip something up. Just you and me.”

Alex nodded slowly. “I’ll think about it.”

  
She smiled at him before turning to Michael. “You fucked with my best friends, Mikey,” she told him. “You broke both of them and their friendship.”

“I know,” Michael agreed quietly. Alex reached out and took his hand but didn’t say anything.

Liz closed her eyes and breathed out through her nose. “I got here about fifteen minutes ago.” Both men startled at the non-sequitur but Liz powered on before either could say anything. “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of you so happy or carefree as when you were outside. I have no idea what you were talking about but you were both smiling and I just- I really really hate how you got here but I’m happy for both of you that you did.” She paused. “Michael, you’re one of my best friends and I want you in my life but I’m going to be angry for a while, okay? But if you need anything or- or you want to talk, just call me okay? I’ll answer the phone.”

Michael nodded. He raised his free hand and reached for her before dropping it. Liz rolled her eyes and stepped into his space, her arms wrapping around his waist. Michael hesitated briefly before hugging her back tightly. “Thank you, Liz.” They stood there for a bit, both reluctant to let go.

Eventually, though, Liz pulled away. “And I, uh- I’ll talk to Max. I’m not sure if I can help but I’ll see what I can do. He’s just, I don’t know, he’s really confused Michael. He thought he had you figured out but this doesn’t make sense to him.”

Michael looked away. “Then maybe he should listen when I talk. He has a bad habit of hearing what he wants to hear, or at least what he expects to.”

Liz nodded. It was true, Max sometimes got wrapped up in what he thought was right and had a hard time listening to other people. “I’ll just have to give him a good kick in the ass then, I suppose.”

Michael’s face twisted. “Ew, Liz. I do not need to know what kind of kinky shit my brother gets up to.”

Liz shoved at him lightly as Alex just rolled his eyes.

She took a step back and almost tripped over the puppy as it wound through her legs. It started whining loudly and Michael groaned.

“The door’s open!” He exclaimed, a hand flung wide at the back door that was indeed open. 

“If she goes on the deck, you’re cleaning it up,” Alex warned. Michael rolled his eyes but started shooing the puppy out the door and town the steps to the grass.

“I should get going,” Liz said.

Alex nodded. “I’ll walk you out.”

It was more awkward than she’d like, being alone with Alex, but it wasn’t awful. The silence was stilted but not tense.

“Tuesday nights,” she reminded him as they got to her car. “We close at 9.”

“I know.”

Liz made an attempt at a smile but it fell flat. She got the door open and was about to get in when she paused. “Alex?”

“Yeah?” He replied slowly.

“Why’d you stay in Roswell?” She asked. It was something that had been bothering her since her talk with Maria. “Kyle mentioned you finished your service months ago and I know you’ve always hated it here…with all of us being so awful, why didn’t you leave?”

Alex sighed. “Michael.” He told her simply.

She raised an eyebrow. “He was with Maria.”

Alex opened his mouth and closed it again, obviously weighing his answer. “It didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to walk away again. Besides, this is my home.”

“Alex, you’ve wanted out of Roswell for as long as I’ve known you.” Liz was confused. “It was never home to you.”

Alex laughed lightly. “Who said Roswell was my home? Home’s not always four walls and a roof, you know. Or even a town. Sometimes it’s a person.”


	10. Chapter 10

Alex felt the excitement bubbling inside of him as he spots the Airstream and the truck both parked outside of the cabin, meaning that Michael has come back from his self imposed exile, to _pack the rest of his thing_, while Alex had been taking Buffy back to the Animal Shelter.

He had gotten a little upset when Alex had mentioned it two mornings ago, but they hadn't really talked about it. 

Alex hadn't mentioned that it was just temporary because he still hadn't been sure that the plans that he'd been making would actually come to fruition.

But after a phone call with a friend he had in Florida, and a visit to the travel agency that Isobel had suggested, he had everything figured out.

All he had to do now was tell Michael.

He turns the keys in the ignition and opens his door, dropping down to the floor and almost tripping in his haste to get inside.

It's only when he closes the door behind himself that he hears the argument.

"I'm just trying to look out for you!"

"Well, don't!"

Alex inhales deeply at the sound of Max's voice and as he gets closer to the cabin, he can see that Max's jeep had been hidden from him by the Airstream.

Alex just looks up to the sky, begging for patience not to punch Max Evans in the face, but all of that flies out of the window when Michael yells again.

"Then stay the fuck out of it!" He says, and his voice cracks a little, desperate and almost terrified, and Alex snaps, moving before he's even aware of it.

The door to the cabin opens with a slam before Alex even gets there, and he can hear Michael's voice again simmering with rage and pain.

"Get out," he says, voice cracking. "And don't fucking come back."

Alex appears in the doorway before Max can even move, and both brothers turn to him in one fluid motion.

Michael's eyes are bright with unshed tears, and his eyes immediately dart away from Alex. 

Alex feels a pang low in the pit of his stomach, but he'll deal with whatever is bothering Michael after he deals with Max.

Max's eyes are blazing with anger and his glare intensifies when Alex turns to him.

"Tell him," he demands, and Alex immediately bristles.

"You have no right to come into _my _home, start a fight with _my _husband and then demand something from _me_," Alex tells him. "I think you've overstayed your welcome."

Max just grits his teeth and takes one step towards Alex. "Tell him that you're leaving again."

Alex exhales roughly, "I already told _you _that that is not happening."

"I saw you at the travel agency and I talked to the agent who dealt with you and she confirmed that you booked a flight, so please tell me again, how you're not leaving."

Alex stares at Max for one single, stupefied second.

"Fucking unbelievable," he says, huffing out a breath.

He turns to Michael who is looking back at him, and he tries to telegraph with his eyes how wrong Max is, but Michael's brow just furrows.

"This is exactly why I hate living in a small town," he says, taking a step towards Michael, feeling relieved when Michael doesn't move back. "No fucking privacy."

Michael stares at him intently.

"So he's right?" Michael asks, voice wavering just a little, like he doesn't really believe that Max is right, but he needs Alex to confirm that he's wrong.

"Of course I'm righ-" Max starts and then shuts up at collective glare that Michael and Alex turn on him.

Alex turns back to Michael who looks at him expectantly.

Alex exhales and holds his hands out, not stopping the smile that spreads across his face when Michael immediately puts his hands into Alex's.

Alex squeezes his hands and moves in a bit closer, shaking his head a little.

"I'm never going to be able to surprise you, am I?"

Michael tilts his head at him.

"Yes," he says, after a few moments of silence. "I did go to the travel agency tha-"

"I told you so," Max interjects and they both turn to glare at him again.

Alex turns back to Michael who is still glaring at Max.

"The one that Isobel suggested that I go to," he continues, and Michael's gaze snaps back to him, and he can feel Max looking at him too, but he ignores that. "You know with the brochure that she gave us as part of our wedding present?"

Michael's entire posture relaxes and he tightens his hold on Alex's fingers.

There is a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and his eyes are bright with excitement.

"I was thinking we start small," he continues. "Since you've never been out of the country. So I thought, Florida."

Michael furrows his brow, "Florida?" He asks skeptically.

Alex just raises an eyebrow and waits for Michael to get it.

Michael's face goes a little slack, and his eyes light up even more, and when he smiles, he looks exactly like the same boy that Alex fell in love with, and it makes a wide smile spread across his face.

"You don't mean-" he starts sounding like he's trying to tamp down his excitement.

"Yes, I do," Alex says, and his smile widens when Michael pulls him close, until their feet are overlapping. "I managed to get us a private tour, and while I know that you don't want to leave the planet anymore, they do have a simulator, and I'm pretty sure that together we can sneak out a few schematics just in case we would ever need to build our own spaceship."

Michael lets his hands go to drag him into a kiss that’s more him pressing their smiles together than anything else.

Michael pulls back, pressing their foreheads together.

“Have I told you that I love you today?” he asks rhetorically, nudging their noses together.

“Nope,” Alex says, wrapping his arms around Michael’s shoulders. “But I know.”

Michael hums low in his throat, and then pulls back like something just occurred to him.

“What about you?”

Alex furrows his brow. “I love you, too?”

Michael rolls his eyes and pushes Alex back a little bit, keeping his fingers wrapped around the collar of Alex’s jacket so that he doesn’t get too far.

“I mean this honeymoon is starting to sound a little one sided.”

Alex just tightens his arms around Michael’s shoulders pulling himself closer.

“Well, I’m gonna get to hack into a secure NASA database and there is a cabana right on the beach with our name on it, _and_,” he continues leaning in even closer and lowering his voice, until it’s barely a whisper. “I’m only planning on packing some sunscreen.”

Michael makes a low noise at the back of his throat and pushes in to give him a kiss when Max clears his throat loudly.

Alex shuts his eyes.

He had forgotten all about Max.

When he opens his eyes and looks at Michael, it’s to see that Michael also forgot.

They both sigh at once and then let each other go, turning to Max.

There is a look on Max’s face, as though he’s starting to understand something, which makes Alex defensive immediately.

"You were right," he tells Michael, who leans a little bit closer to Alex until their shoulders are pressed together and he can tangle their fingers together.

"I usually am," Michael says, with just a small hint of animosity.

Max rolls his eyes.

"About me never seeing you actually happy," he continues and both Alex and Michael freeze, staring at him with wide eyes.

Max just shakes his head. "I still don't understand any of this, but I don't want to lose you Michael."

Alex feels Michael tightens his fingers around his.

"You're not losing me," Michael says, finally. "You're my brother, and as much as I hate it, it gives you a reason to meddle and be worried, but there really isn't anything to worry about. I swear."

Max looks down at their joined hands and then back up to Alex's face.

"I'm beginning to see that," he answers.

Michael lets Alex go, and herds Max out of the cabin with one arm around his shoulder.

They talk and Alex watches as Michael leads Max to his jeep.

Max says something that makes Michael stop and dart his eyes at Alex, before looking back at Max and then pulling him into a hug.

Alex bites down on the smile that wants to spread across his face and just leans against the door jamb waiting for Michael to come back.

Max leaves, and Michael jogs up the steps and stops right in front of Alex lifting one eyebrow.

He seems to be lighter than he had been when this whole thing started and Alex feels happiness bubbling inside of him at the thought that things were turning around, at least where Michael's siblings were concerned.

"That went much better than my last talk with Max," Alex says, which makes both of Michael's eyebrows raise up.

"You had a talk with Max about us?"

Alex just gives him a winning, innocent smile, and drags him into a kiss when he just continues to look at him expectantly.

Alex manages to distract Michael enough that he gets them across the cabin and almost to the bedroom, when he trips over one of the squeaky toys that he forgot to pack for Buffy.

They pull apart as Michael steadies them, pushing his body flush against Alex's and pinning him to the wall.

They both look at each other, breathless and pink cheeked, and then look at the toy on the ground that squeaks as it inflates slowly.

"So, Buffy," Michael starts and Alex just smiles as he turns back to face him.

"I already filled out all of the paperwork," he says, reaching up and dragging fingers through Michael's hair. "And they'll have everything ready for her to come home with us once we get back."

Michael smiles, bright and happy, and Alex feels so happy he could burst.

"I love you, Mr. Guerin," Michael whispers, leaning in close, eyes darting down to Alex's mouth.

"And I love you, Mr. Guerin," Alex responds.

Michael seals the words with a kiss and Alex responds back enthusiastically, feeling like he's finally, _finally _home.


	11. Chapter 11

_ Ten months later _

Alex woke up to cursing echoing down the hallway and a sad puppy burrowing her way into his back. He reached back to pet her gently before sitting up and throwing off his blankets. A loud bang came from the kitchen.

With a heavy sigh, Alex grabbed his crutches and heaved himself upright. He’d put the prosthetic on later when he had to leave but for now he left it resting next to the bed and slowly made his way to Michael.

“Uh, what?” The kitchen was a mess, two shattered eggs on the floor and the counters covered in dishes.

“Forget about it,” Michael muttered as he bent to wipe up the eggs. On the counter, the stove turned itself off. “Don’t have time for breakfast anyway.”

Alex bit his tongue. He knew where this was going and it was too early to be having this argument yet again. Buffy brushed past his foot to whine at the back door and Alex let her out without a word.

“Fuck,” Michael cursed as he threw the used napkins in the trash with the last of the eggshells. He kept muttering under his breath as he hurriedly stacked the dishwasher. He was doing it wrong and Alex would have to fix it later so that the machine would actually run but he didn’t bother saying anything. It was only once Buffy was happily munching on her breakfast and Alex was settled into the table with a mug of coffee and Michael kicked the dishwasher closed that he said anything worthwhile. “I can’t keep doing this, Alex.”

“You’ve been doing it for a year,” Alex reminded him. Michael turned and glared at him. “You’re not the only one who has to commute, Michael.”

“It’s not just getting to work and you know it. We’re too isolated out here.”

“I thought you liked it being just us. Am I not enough for you anymore?”

“Don’t be cute,” Michael glared.

“I thought you were going to be late?” Alex took a sip of his coffee. They’d been going back and forth about moving for almost a month now and neither one of them was planning to budge. 

“Yeah, I am,” Michael agreed. “Which is exactly what I need when the old man is trying to figure out who to take over for him when he finally retires in two months.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “We both know he’s going to hand you the keys, Michael, don’t try to play the pity card with me. You’ve never been on time in your life, I don’t know why you’re suddenly stressed about it now.”

“Because I care, Alex!” Michael yelled in frustration. “Because I don’t want to be the guy that everyone expects less of, dammit!”

“I’m sorry,” Alex kept his voice calm as Michael turned and braced himself on the edge of the counter. “I know it’s important to you.”

Michael scoffed. “Not important enough to move.”

“If we move, my commute to the base doubles. I know you don’t like being so far from Isobel and everyone else, but moving just doesn’t make sense in the long run. Not to mention the bunker under the living room.” 

Michael ran a wet towel over the counter he’d already cleaned and tossed it in a corner before stalking out of the room. Alex sighed and finished his coffee before following. He had to dodge Michael’s slipper as he flung it across the room but he managed to make it to the bed without any mishap. 

“What is this really about?” He asked. “You never cared about living out here until a few weeks ago and now it’s all you seem to care about.”

“And you don’t seem to give a damn,” Michael snapped.

“Hey,” Alex said sharply, “don’t do that.” Michael sighed and hung his head briefly before looking at Alex.

“Sorry. I just- I don’t understand why you won’t even consider it.”

Alex took a deep breath. “We have as much space as we could possibly need here. We have a secret bunker under our coffee table that is currently holding 60% of our research into Project Shepherd and your species. We don’t have any neighbors for miles so you can use your powers safely without fear of being discovered. It’s closer to the base than anything else we’re going to find while staying near Roswell. We- fuck, Michael, I don’t understand why you would want to leave.”

“It feels like we’re hiding.” 

Alex blinked. “What?” Michael had spoken so softly, he was sure he’d misheard him.

“I said,” Michael repeated, his voice incrementally louder, “it feels like we’re hiding out here. Like sure, we’re finally together, we finally have the life we wanted but only so long as no one can see it.”

“So you want to move so we’re not hiding anymore?” 

“Would it be so bad to live in town? To know our neighbors? To  _ have _ neighbors?” Michael shoved his feet into his boots. “I know we started this marriage badly, what with the timing and all that, and I knew that at first we would probably keep our distance just to be considerate to Maria and to enjoy our time together without other people getting involved but fuck, Alex, it’s been a year. When are we going to live our lives in the real world? And not just stay holed up in some shitty cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere?”

Alex didn’t know how to answer that. He didn’t even know where to start. “Huh,” he finally let out. “I didn’t realize our home was so shitty. My mistake.”

“Alex-”

“You’re late for work,” Alex reminded him as he got up. “And I need a shower.”

“Alex-!” Michael called after him but Alex just closed the bathroom door between them. He didn’t bother locking it.

It took him a few minutes to get the shower started and get himself under the spray. In all that time, he never heard the front door close.

Instead, he heard the bathroom door open and Michael’s shadowy form loomed large on the other side of the frosted shower door.

“I didn’t mean to say our home was shitty,” Michael told him. “It’s not. I love it, I do. But I love it because it’s  _ ours _ and I know that I’ll love any place we live in.”

“So long as it’s where you want it to be.” Michael started to reply but Alex kept talking. “Go to work, Michael. Can’t have Sander’s thinking you don’t care about your job.”

Michael paused a moment longer before he sighed, his shoulders slumping visibly, and left. The front door opened and closed a minute later. And then Alex was alone. In his shitty little cabin.

\---

Michael sank into a corner booth, his body sagging as he finally relaxed after a long day. He started to put his head down when he heard his name.

“Michael?” Liz called, curious. Michael looked over to see her behind the counter and cursed under his breath.

“Hey,” he greeted. “I thought you only worked Tuesdays.”

Liz handed a customer his change and closed the register. She said something to the waiter next to her before coming over to Michael’s table, her hand already reaching up to take off the antenna Arturo forced her to wear. “Yeah, I do, but Clara called out last minute so my dad asked me to cover. What are you doing here? I thought Thursday nights were date nights?”

Michael glanced at his phone and sure enough it was Thursday. “Yeah, uh, not tonight.” Truthfully, he’d forgotten it was Thursday, his mind stuck on the fight he and Alex had had that morning.

“What’s wrong?” Liz asked. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” Michael didn’t answer right away, just looked at her. Truthfully, a year ago he wouldn’t have hesitated for even a second to talk to Liz but their relationship hadn’t quite recovered from the destruction of his engagement to Maria. They both tried, and Michael knew Liz cared, but they just weren’t as close. After her overture at the cabin, Alex had started meeting up with Liz every Tuesday and nowadays their relationship was actually doing pretty well. Oddly, it seemed that the closer Alex got to Liz again, the further Michael felt.

“It’s nothing,” he finally replied.

She nodded slowly. “Right. That’s why you’re sitting alone at the Crashdown looking like your dog die- oh my god, is Buffy okay?” 

He chuckled. “Buffy’s fine.”

Liz blew out a breath of relief. “That’s good. So what is it then?”

“It’s no-”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but don’t lie to me Michael,” she cut him off.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Okay,” Liz told him. “If you change your mind…”

“Yeah,” Michael sighed. “Look, can I just get a burger? I didn’t eat lunch.”

She smiled and tapped the table as she stood up. “I’ll get you your usual.”

“You’re awesome.”

“And don’t you forget it.” They smiled at each other and for a moment it was like the last year hadn’t happened. Until the bell over the door rang and Maria walked in. Michael immediately ducked his head. It wasn’t that things were bad between Maria and them, it was just that things were- stilted, for lack of a better word. About six months ago, they had reached the point where they could coexist in the same space. It made it easier for everyone else since they didn’t have to plan around their issues but the three of them were always uncomfortable. They still avoided each other outside of large group gatherings.

“Hey,” Liz greeted Maria brightly. “Dinner?”

Maria shook her head. “I was just hoping for some milkshakes, really. And maybe a side of fries?”

“Sure, I can do that,” Liz stepped behind the counter. “Strawberry?”

Maria shook her head. “Chocolate and Mint Chocolate Chip.”

Liz paused. “Mixed?”

“No,” she laughed. “I need two.”

“Ah, gotcha.” Liz stopped at the computer to put her order in before leaning through the window into the kitchen area. “Dad! Michael’s here for dinner.” Michael heard Arturo reply but he couldn’t make out the words. Opposite Liz, Maria tensed and started to look around for him before visibly stopping herself. “Shakes will be ready soon but fries might take a minute,” Liz told Maria.

“That’s fine. I’m in no hurry.”

“Right,” Liz said slowly. “So. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Sorry?” Maria looked taken aback. Michael felt a twinge in his gut. He worried for a moment that he was jealous and he had no idea how he’d deal with that if he was but the feeling passed when Maria kept talking. “There’s no guy.” He realized what that feeling was. He was concerned. No matter how things had ended between them, he still cared about Maria and he wanted her to be happy. She’d been so sad the last year and Michael wished desperately that there was in fact a guy.

“Oh please,” Liz scoffed. “Shakes and fries? That’s classic Maria DeLuca first date moves.”

Maria smiled sadly. “Well not this time.”

Liz smiled sadly in return before perking up. “Well if not this time, then definitely next time.” She disappeared to get Maria’s order and Michael turned his attention to his phone.

There were two texts from Alex from earlier in the day that he hadn’t seen. Or he might’ve seen and ignored without reading, he honestly wasn’t sure. The first asked if they were still on for date night. The second was sent six hours later and just he’d see him at home later. The word home tugged at Michael. 

He wasn’t sure why he was making such a stink over the house issue. Alex had good points as to why they shouldn’t move; the cabin honestly worked perfectly for them. But Michael had gotten used to living in town with Maria and he missed being able to walk down the street to the grocery store or pop by the Crashdown for coffee in the morning. He missed seeing people on the street and stopping for a quick chat as they asked after Maria. He just- he missed being a part of the town. All his life, he’d been on the outskirts but being with Maria had given him an in he hadn’t had before. Once he’d had a taste, he wanted more.

Plus, he’d promised himself he’d stop being scared once they got married and hiding out at the cabin felt like he was still that scared kid he’d been the whole time they were apart. And somehow, it made their marriage feel less real. Like he needed people in town to recognize it in order for it to mean something. He wanted people to say hello on the street and ask after his husband but nobody ever did.

“Alright, grumpy,” Liz dropped his plate in front of him and sat down again. “I know I said I wouldn’t pry but I’m gonna pry. What’s got you so glum?”

“Liz,” Michael sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Liz waited a moment before nodding and getting up without a word. In her wake, Michael stared at his food for a while before slowly working his way through it. All the while, his mind whirred as he thought about what to do about his fight with Alex. He knew he needed to apologize for the comment about the cabin, it was their home yes, but more than that it was  _ Alex’s _ . It was the first place he’d ever really had of his own, the first place he felt truly safe, and Michael had shit all over it.

“Hey,” Liz stopped by again.

“Liz-”

“We closed half an hour ago,” she cut him off. Michael looked around in surprise. Sure enough, the place was deserted, the lights off and the last waiter heading out the back door. Even his table had been cleared and cleaned.

“I didn’t even-”

“Yeah, you looked pretty out of it,” Liz sat down again. “Look. Tell me to butt out again and I will, I swear. But you look like you have something you need to talk about and I’m here. You know I’m here, Mikey.” 

Michael smiled in spite of himself. She hadn’t called him that since the night he asked Maria for the ring back in the middle of the Wild Pony. Liz smiled back at him, clearly realizing the same thing.

“I had a fight with Alex,” he admitted finally.

“Really?” She leaned back in surprise. “You two are so solid.”

“Yeah, well,” Michael huffed. “We’re not perfect.”

“I didn’t mean that,” she leaned forward, earnest. “It’s just that Alex has told me how good you two have gotten at talking things out, it seems odd for you two to fight and not immediately fix it.”

“I said something stupid.”

“Oh?” She wasn’t nearly so surprised this time and Michael looked away. “Hey. Talk to me.”

“I want to move and Alex doesn’t. And I might have said something about him keeping us locked away in his shitty little cabin?”

“He loves that cabin,” Liz replied immediately before shaking her head. “Sorry, I just meant-”

“No, I know what you meant. And I know he loves the cabin. I tried to apologize but I was late for work and he just kept telling me to leave so I did.”

“And when was this?”

“This morning.” Michael played with his phone. “I forgot it was Thursday.”

“Have you talked to him?” Michael shook his head. “You should probably let him know you’re okay and where you are. Is he expecting you somewhere?” Michael shook his head again. “Mikey?” Michael sighed and unlocked his phone to send a quick text to Alex before shutting it off again. “Why the fight?” Liz asked when he set the phone down.

“I want to move. He doesn’t,” he repeated.

“Okay,” Liz said slowly. “But why?”

“I want to live closer to town. He doesn’t want to move farther from the base.”

“That sounds like a gross oversimplification.”

“It is,” Michael agreed. “It’s just- when I was with Maria, I got used to being in town and being a part of the town and now I feel like I’m on the outside again. And more than that, I feel like  _ Alex and I _ are on the outside. People used to ask me about my work and about Maria when I saw them on the streets or in a shop. Now, there’s nothing. I just- I want people to ask me about Alex but I feel like as long as we live so far away and so much of our lives takes place outside of town, that’ll never happen.” He sighed. “And Alex loves the cabin.”

Liz stood up and came over to Michael’s side of the booth. She slid in and wrapped her arms around him, tugging his head down until it rested on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time and I didn’t notice. I’m trying to get better at it but I know I could use some work.”

Michael lifted his head to look at her. “Liz, it’s fine, really. I don’t expect you to notice every little thing.”

“But you should,” Liz told him. “I’m your friend, Michael, and I should notice these things and you should expect your friends to notice when you’re hurting.” She pulled his head back down and they slid down into the booths until they could prop their feet on the opposite bench. “Now. What does Alex have to say?”

Michael didn’t answer.

“You told Alex, right? You said you two fought about this?”

“Well,” Michael said slowly as he straightened up slightly, his neck already starting to hurt from leaning on Liz’s shoulder.

“Mikey,” Liz warned.

“I’ve been kind of pushing it for a while now and mostly I’ve just made it about my commute, which Alex knew was bullshit, but we didn’t really have it out until today and I just- I don’t know. He asked what the issue really was and I said I didn’t want to hide and I felt like we were hiding by living at the cabin. Which was the wrong thing to say for a lot of reasons.” He didn’t extrapolate on what those reasons were. Liz didn’t need to know everything.

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

“Well at the risk of sounding trite, you should talk to Alex. Tell him what’s really on your mind.”

“I know.”

They sat in silence for a while before Liz spoke again. “So what are you doing here?”

“I feel like I betrayed the cabin somehow,” Michael admitted with a half smile. “I feel guilty going home.”

Liz looked at him. “I’m sure it’ll understand.” She nudged his shoulder and got to her feet. “Go home, Mikey. Talk to your husband. Work your shit out.”

Michael chuckled and stood up. “Yes, ma’am.” She smiled and pushed him gently towards the door. “Wait, did I pay?”

“On the house. Now go.”

\---

“Why is it that we never come up here when we’re in a good mood?”

Alex tensed at Maria’s voice. He wasn’t expecting to hear anyone, but her least of all. He didn’t turn around as she crossed the rooftop and sat down near him, a paper bag rustling as she set it between them.

“Milkshakes?” He asked when he finally looked over to see her pulling out two shakes and an order of french fries still hot from the fryer. Maria shrugged instead of answering, more preoccupied with eating the whipped cream off her milkshake so she could get to the ice cream. Alex decided to follow her lead and grabbed the other shake, his favorite flavor, and handed over the cherry. She took it from him without a word.

They worked their way steadily through the plate of fries, almost reaching the bottom before Alex had to ask. “What are you doing here?”

Maria dunked another fry in her shake and popped it into her mouth. “I had to go to the drugstore earlier to pick up a prescription. And then I had a dentist appointment. I was planning to be at the bar the rest of the night but I wanted to ask Liz about our plans on Saturday so I ran over here real quick to talk to her.” She grabbed the last fry.

Alex waited for her to continue but she just stared over the edge of the roof at the city below. “Okay?”

She pointed a hand down the street to the right. “The drugstore’s right there.” Now to the left. “And my dentist is on that corner. Both have surprisingly good views of idiots standing on the giant sign over this building.” Alex stuck his straw back in his shake and looked away as he took a sip. “You’ve been here for at least four hours.”

“That doesn’t explain what  _ you’re _ doing here.” He didn’t bother arguing with her. She was right.

Maria shrugged. “Figured if you were sitting up here by yourself for that long, maybe something was wrong.”

Alex turned to look at her but she avoided his gaze. “So you came to check on me?”

She shrugged again.

“Thank you,” he told her sincerely.

“So what’s wrong?” She asked when he didn’t offer anything more. “I saw Michael inside when I was getting the shakes. He looked like someone ran over his dog.” She paused. “Is Buffy-”

“Buffy’s fine,” Alex assured her. “Michael’s downstairs?”

She hummed. “Liz was trying to talk to him. I didn’t stick around to find out about what.”

“Huh,” Alex pulled the lid off to swallow down the last chunk of ice cream. 

They sat there silently for another couple of minutes watching the sun as it start to set. Eventually, Maria started collecting their trash and got to her feet. 

“You know,” Alex said into the silence as Maria walked to the door. He didn’t look away from the sunset. “I never apologized to you.” Maria didn’t reply but Alex didn’t hear the door open either. “I refuse to apologize for my relationship and my marriage. And I’m not sorry for the things that I said when it all happened. But I  _ am _ sorry for the way I acted. I never wanted to be the person who did those kinds of things, who kissed another person’s fiance, who hurt someone they cared about, but I was. I am.” Maria sat back down next to him silently. “I told Michael that night he ended your engagement that we needed to move slowly. That we needed to realize that us being together was going to hurt you and upset a lot of people and then I was the one to suggest we get married right away. I knew it would hurt you and I think I wanted it to. I wanted you to feel like I had. And that wasn’t right. It was mean and it was cruel and I am so sorry I did that to you.” He stopped and inhaled deeply. “Sometimes I think we should have stuck to the whole go slow plan.”

“Thank you,” Maria wiped a hand under her eye. The sky was turning into a brilliant rainbow, orange and red and purple splashed as far as the eye could see. “I also owe you an apology. You were right, when you said I didn’t ask you the truth because I didn’t want to know. I didn’t. I wanted to be happy, Alex, and I wanted it to be easy. My mom was really sick then and I was stressed about the bar and whatever was going on with you and Liz and I just- I wanted someone to be there for me and Michael was. And it was good. And yeah, I knew Michael wasn’t telling me the full story but I told myself I trusted him. If there was more to it, then he would tell me.” She stopped, her mouth working as she stumbled over her next words. “I was scared, honestly. I’d been alone for so long after- after you and Liz left, after Rosa  _ died _ , and I finally wasn’t. I had Liz back. And I had Michael. And I told myself that was enough. I told myself that if I found out the truth then I would lose Michael like I had lost you and I couldn’t do that. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t ask enough questions. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to what you were telling me. I’m sorry I was so selfish. And I’m so goddamn sorry I hurt you, Alex.” 

Alex reached out across the space between them and Maria met him halfway, their hands clasped tightly. 

“It wasn’t worth it,” Maria muttered a moment later. “Liz asked me once if my relationship with Michael was worth losing you and it wasn’t. Everything about being with him was tainted because of what it had cost me. You were my brother, Alex. I’m sorry I forgot that.”

“Thank you.” Alex let out a heavy sigh. “We’re a mess.” His voice wavered. Maria looked at him incredulously. They stared at each other for a moment before the laughter bubbled out of them helplessly. 

Maria let go of his hand to wipe at the tears on her face and Alex did the same before holding out an arm as their laughs subsided. She hesitated for a moment before scooting closer and tucking herself under his arm and resting her head on her shoulder. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

“Do you remember when we used to come up here in high school?”

Alex hummed. “Monday nights because Liz and Rosa both worked. We’d come up here before their shifts ended and hang out until they could join us.”

“I miss that.” She sat up and he let his arm fall. “Do you know the number of times I pulled out my phone to call you? From the day we had that fight until yesterday even. I just- you’ve always been one of the first people I wanted to tell something to. When my mom got worse, I sat in the bar with my phone in my hand for hours. It didn’t even occur to me to call Michael or Liz until much later. When I got the news, you were the one I wanted to call.”

“There was a party on base the day I signed my discharge papers,” Alex told her. “Some of my squadmates came in and sent me off in style and all I could think about was how you were supposed to be there. You were my plus one for almost every official event I had while I was in the service and it didn’t seem right that you weren’t there for the last one.”

Maria took his hand and held it between both of her own. “Can we do better? We’ve- we’ve managed to coexist the last couple of months by ignoring each other but I don’t want to do that anymore.”

“Neither do I,” Alex told her. “It’s not going to be easy,” he warned softly.

She smiled sadly. “I’ve come to the realization that easy isn’t everything. The best things in life are worth fighting for, right?”

“Right,” he smiled gently.

Maria took a deep breath. “You can start by not avoiding the Wild Pony anymore. You belong there as much Liz does and she’s there all the time. You can stop by every now and then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’d like that.”

“And-” she stopped. “I don’t want to be arrogant and say it’s because of me but in case it is, you don’t need to avoid town either. I never see you even in passing. It’s like you time your visits so that you don’t have to see anyone. And if you’re doing that because of me, you don’t have to.”

Alex looked away, her words hitting too close to what Michael had yelled that morning. It’s possible she wasn’t wrong. Alex had gotten into the habit of avoiding Maria (and Michael) during that awful year and a half and he’d just kept at it after he and Michael got married.

“Okay,” he agreed. “I won’t be a stranger. But you have to actually show up to Isobel’s for family dinner.”

“I never miss family dinner,” she protested.

“You’re physically there, yes, but you hardly ever say a word and you leave the second we start clearing the table. That’s not you, Maria.”

She sighed. “Okay. I’ll stop being a wallflower.”

“Good,” he smiled. “It doesn’t suit you anyway.” He pushed himself slowly to his feet, his leg cramping after sitting still for so long. Maria stood up with him, an arm outstretched if he needed it. Once he was steady, he grabbed her arm and pulled her into a hug. “We’ll do better,” he promised.

“We’ll  _ be _ better,” she agreed.

\---

“What are you doing here?” Alex looked up from the fire.

“I could ask you the same question.”

Michael shrugged. “I was heading home, saw the fire,” he nodded at the offending blaze.

Alex hummed. “You never answered my texts. Wasn’t sure you’d be at home.” The flames danced before his eyes, a more captivating sight by far than Michael’s sad eyes.

The chair next to him scraped along the gravel as Michael flopped his long frame into it and kicked his feet onto the cooler set in front of him. “Can we be done fighting now? It sucks. I really haven’t missed it this past year.”

Alex sighed. “You can’t just decide we’re done fighting, Michael. We have to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed. “When I was with Maria I finally felt like I was a part of this town, a part of the community. I lived in town and I saw people on my way to the store, on my way to get coffee in the morning. I knew the people who had a similar routine to me and I got used to hearing them ask how I was doing and ask how Maria was doing and I miss that feeling, Alex. I miss feeling like I was a part of something more. More than just me and Max and Isobel. My whole life, I’ve felt like I was on the outside looking in until suddenly I wasn’t. And I know you love the cabin, I get it, I do. But it’s so far away.”

Alex stared at him. He’d suspected part of what Michael had just said but he’d never imagined that Michael would just lay it all out there like that.

“I want to make small talk with the barista, Alex. I want them to ask how my husband is doing. I want-”

“You want to live here,” Alex finished.

“It’s more than that,” Michael huffed.

“I know. But it’s also exactly that. You want to  _ be  _ here.”

Michael paused before nodding. He let out a large breath. “You had a lot of good points about staying at the cabin, though. It doesn’t make sense to move.”

Alex nodded slowly and looked around at the scrapyard. The Airstream was behind him, in the same place as ever since Michael refused to move it. But the rest of the scrapyard stretched out around him. “How close do you want to be?”

“What?” Michael stared at him.

“How close to town?”

“Alex-” Alex just raised an eyebrow. “Uh, close enough to walk some places.”

“What about here? Would this be close enough?”

Michael glanced around them. “Sanders’?”

“Distance wise, I mean,” Alex clarified.

“I guess. The closer the better, I think, but it’s not a bad distance. Why?” He eyed Alex. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“I’ve been thinking all day,” Alex replied. “Maybe we were hiding. I got so used to steering clear of town to avoid running into you and Maria and then just to give Maria space that I didn’t even really think about it anymore. But we don’t need to do that. So why not?”

Michael stared at him. “Why not what?”

“Why not move?” Alex smiled, enjoying the confusion and incredulity on Michael’s face. “I don’t want to live downtown. I like my space. But this wouldn’t be too bad. If it’s close enough to town for you, I could make it work.”

“But you love the cabin.”

“I do,” Alex agreed. “But we’d keep the cabin. It’s not like we have to make house payments on it, after all. We could keep it  _ and _ get someplace new.”

“Are you serious right now?”

He chuckled and nodded. “Sanders is gonna give you the place right? There’s enough land here that we could probably build something without having to look elsewhere. And we could make it exactly what  _ we _ want.”

“Alex…”

“Michael?” Alex asked when Michael just stopped and stared at him.

“I love you,” Michael told him sincerely.

“I know.”

Michael shook his head but smiled brightly as he launched himself out of his chair and leaned over Alex. He had to brace his hands on the arms of Alex’s chair but that was okay, Alex could take it from here. He carded his fingers through Michael’s curls and brought him down for a deep kiss.

“What do you say about staying in the Airstream tonight?” Michael spoke into Alex’s mouth, unwilling to pull away to speak. 

“I think my leg hurts,” Alex apologized. The bed in the Airstream was always hell on his leg. The occasional night was okay. Not tonight, though. 

Michael nodded and kissed him again before standing up and holding a hand out to help Alex up. Alex took it gratefully. 

“Hey,” he said softly as Michael held him in his arms. Michael hummed a question. “It’s after midnight.”

“Is it?” Michael leaned down to nuzzle his neck.

“It is,” Alex sighed as he closed his eyes.

“Is that supposed to mean something? Is midnight important all of a sudden?” Michael nipped gently at Alex’s neck.

“Mhmm,” Alex hummed. “Happy anniversary, Michael.”

Michael leaned back and pulled out his phone to check the date. “Well fuck me, so it is.” He smiled brilliantly. “Happy anniversary, Alex.”


End file.
